Ven's Songs: Would you still love me?

[Venenum]

Etwas härter gespielt, ansonsten wie immer Schlagzeug und dazu E-Gitarren.

Would you still love me?

There is so much I never told you,
So much that I try to forget,
I don’t want to share my thoughts,
No not even with you,
I just can’t tell you the truth

It’s so hard when you’re with me girl,
My conscience hurts me every day,
It won’t stop beating me from the inside,
Until it comes out what I try to hide,

Tell me baby do you love me?
And will you ever be there for me?
Even if I show you what you can’t see?
Tell me baby, would you still love me?

You said you love my blue eyes,
But they are there to hide my lies,
A touch of me can calm you down,
You forget the world when I’m around,

My voice seems so hypnotic,
I know how to exploit my skill,
You said you’d give your life for me,
I made you a slave can’t you see?

Tell me baby do you love me?
And will you ever be there for me?
Even if I show you what you can’t see?
Tell me baby, would you still love me?

My love is like poison but you want me,
I’m the drug you’re addicted to,
No way you ever would leave me,
Not if I tell you that I love you

Tell me baby do you love me?
And will you ever be there for me?
Even if I show you what you can’t see?
Tell me baby, would you still love me?

Tell me baby do you love me?
And will you ever be there for me?
Even if I show you what you can’t see?
Tell me baby, would you still love me?

 

[StayTuned]

Would you still love me?

There is so much I never told you,
So much that I try to forget,
I don’t want to share my thoughts,
No not even with you,
I just can’t tell you the truth

It’s so hard when you’re with me girl,
My conscience hurts me every day, - dein gewissen verletzt dich. hm... evtl. wäre quälen das bessere Wort.
It won’t stop beating me from the inside,
Until it comes out what I try to hide, - finde ich bisschen umständlich / zu schwammig

Tell me baby do you love me?
And will you ever be there for me? - ist ok gefällt mir pers. aber nicht. Zu weich wenn du weisst was ich meine ;o)
Even if I show you what you can’t see?
Tell me baby, would you still love me? - gut!

You said you love my blue eyes,
But they are there to hide my lies, - nice
A touch of me can calm you down, - ist das so richtig? Dachte "calm down" ist ne redewendung. bin nicht sicher ob man das so verwenden kann.
You forget the world when I’m around, - verstehe da den zusammenhang mit der vorherigen Strophe nicht.

My voice seems so hypnotic,
I know how to exploit my skill,
You said you’d give your life for me,
I made you a slave can’t you see? - rhytmik?

Tell me baby do you love me?
And will you ever be there for me?
Even if I show you what you can’t see?
Tell me baby, would you still love me?

My love is like poison but you want me,
I’m the drug you’re addicted to,
No way you ever would leave me,
Not if I tell you that I love you

Tell me baby do you love me?
And will you ever be there for me?
Even if I show you what you can’t see?
Tell me baby, would you still love me?

Tell me baby do you love me?
And will you ever be there for me?
Even if I show you what you can’t see?
Tell me baby, would you still love me?
[/QUOTE]


Gut, wie alles was ich von dir gelesen hab. Aber als Text.
Umsetzung in nen Song scheint mir teils nicht leicht.
Ein paar Bilder wäre nicht schlecht. Text ist gut aber es geht noch was...

hoffe ich konnte helfen. LG

 

[Venenum]

Dankeschön,

Kritik ist wichtig =)

 

[x-Riff]

Hi Venenum,

kann mich StayTuned anschließen - inhaltlich (finde den Text auch klasse - wie Deine anderen auch) - und sprachlich (es sind mir die ähnlichen Dinge aufgefallen wie StayTuned). Hier hätte ich noch eine zusätzliche Anmerkung:
There is so much I never told you,
So much that I try to forget,
evtl: So much I´m trying to forget ?

Macht Spaß, Deine Texte zu lesen - und vielleicht mal zu hören, später.

Herzliche Grüße,

x-Riff