Böser Text zwischen Metal und Rock ohne Titel bisher ....

[Eddi_Edward]

Hallo ihr... Nach längerer Pause mal wieder was Neues von mir. Wie der Titel schon sagt ist es ein Song der sich letztendlich irgendwo zwischen Metal und Rock ansiedeln wird. Würde mich freuen wenn ein Native oder anderer Englischbegabter mal über den Text hermachen könnte und andere vielleicht ihre Meinung zum Text oder Verbesserungsvorschläge posten könnten... Wer mag kann ja auch mal ne Idee für den Titel ausdenken .. Arbeitstitel noch "Frevel an der Harmonie"

I was laying on the ground,
forced onto my chest ->(wird wahrscheinlich noch abgeändert)
by some sudden kind of lassitude,
Trying to find some rest

Refusing to stand up and go

I closed my eyes and thought about
a lot of things, tried to confess
To one side or the other,
My outside still quite motionless

My inside was but chaos, though.

I have to know where
I have seen those things before
I don't want to see them anymore!

I was laying on the ground
Drowning in the past
Because of what I've seen
Trying to get out there

Out of my memory's overflow

I can no longer think about and
Those scenes that I regret
Why can I not just
Close my eyes and forget

About the things I can't control?

I have to know why
I see all those pictures
that I have never seen before

Visions of Darkness
Come to my mind
Shadows are rising
Destruction at night
I couldn't see hope there
I couldn't see light
All I could see:
An endless fight.

-SOOLOO-

I want to escape
From these horrible visions
From what is driving me insane

Visions of Darkness
Come to my mind
Shadows are rising
Destruction at night
I couldn't see hope there
I couldn't see light
All I could see:
An endless fight.​

 

[desgraca]

I was laying on the ground,
lying
forced onto my chest ->(wird wahrscheinlich noch abgeändert) oki, muss also nich verbessert werden?
by some sudden kind of lassitude,
Trying to find some rest

Refusing to stand up and go

I closed my eyes and thought about
a lot of things, tried to confess
To one side or the other,
My outside still quite motionless

My inside was but chaos, though.

I have to know where
I have seen those things before
I don't want to see them anymore!

I was laying on the ground
lying
Drowning in the past
Because of what I've seen
i'd seen
Trying to get out there
out of there

Out of my memory's overflow

I can no longer think about and
Those scenes that I regret
think about what?
was is mit den scenes that you regret?
Why can I not just
Close my eyes and forget

About the things I can't control?

I have to know why
I see all those pictures
that I have never seen before

Visions of Darkness
Come to my mind
Shadows are rising
Destruction at night
I couldn't see hope there
I couldn't see light
All I could see:
An endless fight.

-SOOLOO-

I want to escape
From these horrible visions
From what is driving me insane

Visions of Darkness
Come to my mind
Shadows are rising
Destruction at night
I couldn't see hope there
I couldn't see light
All I could see:
besser: all i could see was:
An endless fight.

 

[Eddi_Edward]

Okay.. hier eine grammatisch überarbeitet Fassung.. Über inhaltliche Anmerkungen würde cih mich auch freuen. Haben uns entschieden keinen Matel song zu machen .. passt einfach nicht und ist zu ausgelatscht xD .. eher richtung Progressive/Rock ..

I was lying on the ground,
forced onto my chest ->(verbesserungsvorschlag erwünscht... ist irgendwie nich gerade besonders toll...)
by some sudden kind of lassitude,
Trying to find some rest

Refusing to stand up and go

I closed my eyes and thought about
a lot of things, tried to confess
To one side or the other,
My outside still quite motionless

My inside was but chaos, though.

I have to know where
I have seen those things before
I don't want to see them anymore!

I was lying on the ground
Drowning in the past
Because of what I'd seen (wirklich "I'd seen" ? nich "I'd have seen" oder so?)
Trying to get out of there

Out of my memory's overflow

I can no longer think about and
Those scenes that I regret
think about what?
was is mit den scenes that you regret?
Why can I not just
Close my eyes and forget

About the things I can't control?

I have to know why
I see all those pictures
that I have never seen before

Visions of Darkness
Come to my mind
Shadows are rising
Destruction at night
I couldn't see hope there
I couldn't see light
All I could see:
An endless fight.

-SOOLOO-

I want to escape
From these horrible visions
From what is driving me insane

Visions of Darkness
Come to my mind
Shadows are rising
Destruction at night
I couldn't see hope there
I couldn't see light
all i could see was
An endless fight.

Wie man sieht habe cih erstmal alles so übernommen wie vom Native gesagt... es gibt noch keine Musikalische/Gesangliche Umsetzung dieses Textes weshalb länge der Zeilen und Silbenanzahl noch nicht eine so große Rolle spielen... Wäre erfreut über vielleicht einen Titel der jemandem so spontan einfällt und eine auseinandersetzung mit dem Inhalt... sop... wenn nich dann nich ;-)

viele Grüße

 

[donay]

fände "visions of darkness" ein passender titel ist mir im text ins auge gestochen und fands ein schöner beschrieb.