"Lowered Head" - Verbesserungsvorschläge?

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Schnina Schnuck
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07.05.05
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Guten Abend,

ich hoffe ihr könnt mir sagen, was man an meinem Text "Lowered Head" verbessern kann.

Titel: Lowered Head

Chorus:
And I polish my life
To injure myself
I'm blind and I'm crippled
Society is my disease

Verse 1
Clear my blood, hide under a hood
Screaming veins, yelling muscles
My mouth is dry and I can't drink
Body and Skin against me and my mind

[Chorus}

Verse 2
I can't hear, I can't see, I can hardly think
The less I feel the more I despair
And I am split in two who fight
I'm the blood-covered earth
without any influence

[Chorus]

Verse 3
My hands are replaced with my mind
Trying to touch you with my thoughts
Where are you, I can't hold on
Help me to start the rebellion against
mine

I peel back the skin
and free the bones
to seperate the putrefried, rotted and silent past

Gruß,
Schnina Schnuck



 

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