"Lowered Head" - Verbesserungsvorschläge?

von Schnina Schnuck, 27.04.05.

  1. Schnina Schnuck

    Schnina Schnuck Registrierter Benutzer

    Im Board seit:
    07.01.05
    Zuletzt hier:
    7.05.05
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    Erstellt: 27.04.05   #1
    Guten Abend,

    ich hoffe ihr könnt mir sagen, was man an meinem Text "Lowered Head" verbessern kann.

    Titel: Lowered Head

    Chorus:
    And I polish my life
    To injure myself
    I'm blind and I'm crippled
    Society is my disease

    Verse 1
    Clear my blood, hide under a hood
    Screaming veins, yelling muscles
    My mouth is dry and I can't drink
    Body and Skin against me and my mind

    [Chorus}

    Verse 2
    I can't hear, I can't see, I can hardly think
    The less I feel the more I despair
    And I am split in two who fight
    I'm the blood-covered earth
    without any influence

    [Chorus]

    Verse 3
    My hands are replaced with my mind
    Trying to touch you with my thoughts
    Where are you, I can't hold on
    Help me to start the rebellion against
    mine

    I peel back the skin
    and free the bones
    to seperate the putrefried, rotted and silent past

    Gruß,
    Schnina Schnuck



     
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