"A new life" - Songs of hope...

von Search 4 Sense, 12.02.08.

  1. Search 4 Sense

    Search 4 Sense Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 12.02.08   #1
    Hi,
    der hier liegt schon länger rum... jetzt hab ich noch einen der ausrangierten Teile von "Wonder why" etwas umgeformt und reingemischt. Hat einfach zu gut gepasst!
    Textlich gehts darum, dass jemand einen großen Fehler gemacht hat, diesen aber glücklicherweise erkennt und umdreht...
    Die Sonne (= das Glück) scheint für ihn...


    It seemed to be the first sunrise,
    the most beautiful I've ever seen,
    I was waiting for my girlfriend,
    I turned around and she came to me...

    Do you know how it feels,
    when your heart has been broken,
    Do you believe me when I say,
    the story I'll tell you has a happy ending...

    I've been searching to find some answers,
    But there were only shadows in the fog,
    The tracks led to nowhere,
    to a secret lost long time ago,

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw the sun rising in her beauty and I recognized,
    That there are only problems made by my self...

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Start it now your new life !!!

    So I turned around to ask my girlfriend,
    If she gave me one more chance,
    This time I wouldn't disappoint her,
    And she healed my broken heart...

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw the sun rising in her beauty and I recognized,
    That there are only problems made by my self...

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Live it now your new life !!!

    I've been happy for so many years,
    And my feelings haven't changed,
    I'm lucky about having turned around,
    I think sometimes, it's the only way!

    warte auf eure vorschläge zur sprachlichen und grammatikalischen verbesserung...
    danke im voraus!
    tomess
     
  2. wilbour-cobb

    wilbour-cobb Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 12.02.08   #2
    mein akku ist platt, mal schauen, wie viel ich schaffe, der rest kommt dann morgen, hab mein ladegerät im büro liegen lassen.......


    It seemed to be the first sunrise,
    the most beautiful I've ever seen,
    super!
    I was waiting for my girlfriend,
    I turned around and she came to me...
    vielleicht "and there she was" oder so?

    Do you know how it feels,
    when your heart has been broken,
    Do you believe me when I say,
    the story I'll tell you has a happy ending...
    inhaltlich besser. "the story I'm telling...

    I've been searching to find some answers,
    besser "I've been looking for some.."
    But there were only shadows in the fog,
    The tracks led to nowhere,
    to a secret lost long time ago,
    "a long time" oder "long times"

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw the sun rising in her beauty and I recognized,
    besser: "I saw a beautiful sun rising.."
    That there are only problems made by my self..
    besser: "the only problems are made by myself.

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Start it now your new life !!!
    start your new life now

    So I turned around to ask my girlfriend,
    If she gave me one more chance,
    wenn du "if" benutzen willst, "if she would give..", ohne "if" gehen auch andere zeiten
    This time I wouldn't disappoint her,
    And she healed my broken heart...

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw the sun rising in her beauty and I recognized,
    That there are only problems made by my self...

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Live it now your new life !!!

    I've been happy for so many years,
    And my feelings haven't changed,
    statt "haven't" würde ich "never" nehmen
    I'm lucky about having turned around,
    I think sometimes, it's the only way!
    inhaltlich eigentlich "it was"
     
  3. Search 4 Sense

    Search 4 Sense Threadersteller Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 13.02.08   #3
    It seemed to be the first sunrise,
    the most beautiful I've ever seen,
    I was waiting for my girlfriend,
    I turned around and she came to me...

    Do you know how it feels,
    when your heart has been broken,
    Do you believe me when I say,
    the story I'm telling you has a happy ending...

    I've been looking for some answers,
    But there were only shadows in the fog,
    The tracks led to nowhere,
    to a secret lost a long time ago,

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw a beautiful sun rising and I recognized,
    the only problems are made by myself..

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Start your new life now!!!

    So I turned around to ask my girlfriend,
    If she would give me one more chance,
    This time I wouldn't disappoint her,
    And she healed my broken heart...

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw a beautiful sun rising and I recognized,
    the only problems are made by myself..

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Start your new life now!!!

    I've been happy for so many years,
    And my feelings have never changed,
    I'm lucky about having turned around,
    I think sometimes, it was the only way!

    danke soweit!
    schaut mal noch drüber, ob alles verständlich und schön ist....
    tomess
     
  4. Xeonadus

    Xeonadus Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 13.02.08   #4
    Hi Tomess,
    ich denke, dass du da mehr kannst. Ich hab deine anderen Texte gesehen und du hast mehr Potential, dass du hier meiner Meinung nach z.T. "verschenkt" hast ;-)

    It seemed to be the first sunrise,
    the most beautiful I've ever seen,
    I was waiting for my girlfriend,
    I turned around and she came to me... Girlfriend ist mir hier zu einfach. Du erzeugst oben so ein schönes Bild, arbeite sie darin ein. Und die letzte Zeile macht es auch zu einfach. Du zerstörst da die ganze Mystik. Formulier doch nen Satz wie"The sunlight was shining on my girlfriends hair" oder sowas ;-)

    Do you know how it feels, Das kommt mir jetzt zu plötzlich. Hier blick ich gar nicht mehr durch. Eben kam sie noch auf dich zu und jetzt redest du plötzlich über gebrochene Herzen?
    when your heart has been broken,
    Do you believe me when I say,
    the story I'm telling you has a happy ending...

    I've been looking for some answers,
    But there were only shadows in the fog,
    The tracks led to nowhere,
    to a secret lost a long time ago, Schöne Bilder :great:

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw a beautiful sun rising and I recognized,
    the only problems are made by myself.. Schön geschrieben und gut nachvollziehbar.

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Start your new life now!!!

    So I turned around to ask my girlfriend,
    If she would give me one more chance,
    This time I wouldn't disappoint her,
    And she healed my broken heart... Hmmh, wieder sind mir die ersten beiden Zeilen zu einfach und passen nicht in dieses mytische und poetische Gesamtbild

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw a beautiful sun rising and I recognized,
    the only problems are made by myself..

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Start your new life now!!!

    I've been happy for so many years,
    And my feelings have never changed,
    I'm lucky about having turned around,
    I think sometimes, it was the only way! Stimmiger Schluss.

    Fazit: Ein Text mit schönen Bildern, der durchaus zu einer ganz großen Sache werden kann :-) Musikalisch könnte ich mir hier eine warme Konzertgitarre vorstellen. Oder sowas im Stil von 1000 Fragen (Silbermond).

    Ich hoffe ich konnte dir helfen :-)

    Gute Nacht
    Xeonadus
     
  5. Search 4 Sense

    Search 4 Sense Threadersteller Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 14.02.08   #5
    It seemed to be the first sunrise,
    the most beautiful I've ever seen,
    I was waiting for my girlfriend,
    The air was full of wicked tension...

    Do you know how it feels,
    when your heart has been broken,
    Do you believe me when I say,
    the story I'm telling you has a happy ending...

    I've been looking for some answers,
    But there were only shadows in the fog,
    The tracks led to nowhere,
    to a secret lost a long time ago,

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw a beautiful sun rising and I recognized,
    the only problems are made by myself..

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Start your new life now!!!

    So I traced back the red cord to the first knot,
    After all, I unknotted thousands of knots,
    They led me to my girlfriend,
    And she healed my broken heart...

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw a beautiful sun rising and I recognized,
    the only problems are made by myself..

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Start your new life now!!!

    I've been happy for so many years,
    And my feelings have never changed,
    I'm lucky about having turned around,
    I think sometimes, it was the only way!

    also erstmal danke
    habe nun versucht die von dir empfundene mystik nicht zu enttäuschen...
    hoffe dass dies gelungen ist!
    das mit dem do you know how it feels... ist so: er erinnert sich aufgrund dieser spannung ob die freundin wirklich kommt daran zurück, wie es war als sie streit/probleme hatten und kurzzeitig auseinander waren. diese zeit durchlebt er dann bis zum schluss.
    klarer jetzt?
    tomess
     
  6. x-Riff

    x-Riff Helpful & Friendly User HFU

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    Erstellt: 14.02.08   #6
    Hi search - dann müßte das aber von den Zeiten so sein: alles vor dem do you know how it feels ist einfache Vergangenheit, alles danach Vorvergangenheit ...
    Da würe ich eher nehmen: all problems are made by myself oder the problems are all/entirely made by myself/on my own oder I am the (only) one to bring me into trouble oder sowas ...
    Sometimes I think, it was the only way!

    x-Riff
     
  7. Search 4 Sense

    Search 4 Sense Threadersteller Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 14.02.08   #7
    It seems to be the first sunrise,
    the most beautiful I've ever seen,
    I am waiting for my girlfriend,
    The air is full of wicked tension...

    Do you know how it feels,
    when your heart has been broken,
    Do you believe me when I say,
    the story I'm telling you has a happy ending...

    I've been looking for some answers,
    But there were only shadows in the fog,
    The tracks led to nowhere,
    to a secret lost a long time ago,

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw a beautiful sun rising and I recognized,
    all problems are made by myself...

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Start your new life now!!!

    So I traced back the red cord to the first knot,
    After all, I unknotted thousands of knots,
    They led me to my girlfriend,
    And she healed my broken heart...

    And the moonlight was fading away,
    and there was nothing left to say!
    I saw a beautiful sun rising and I recognized,
    all problems are made by myself...

    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Forget them forget them throw them away!
    Start your new life now!!!

    I've been happy for so many years,
    And my feelings have never changed,
    I'm lucky about having turned around,
    Sometimes I think, it was the only way!

    :D gut bemerkt x-riff! hab jetzt nen trick gemacht...
    hab alles vor do you know in present tense gebracht
    so müssts doch auch hinhauen...
    und wirkt zeitnaher! :great:
    na amigos?
    thx
    tomess
     
  8. x-Riff

    x-Riff Helpful & Friendly User HFU

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    Erstellt: 15.02.08   #8
    Alter Schwede - so geht´s freilich auch ...
    Hier könntest Du es noch einen Tick deutlicher machen und statt:
    Do you know how it feels,
    Do you still know how it feels
    singen ...
     
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