I'm a Rockstar

[FalscherProphet]

Mein 2. Lyric, bitte Kritik und Lob un alles halt ;D

Grammatik ist nicht Perfekt, Fehler bitte melden.

Lyric:
_____________________
You never thought I could be talented
It didn't matter what I said or did
I always looked like an dumb old fool
To you, for truth you were too cool

You always dwelled upon this,
But I knew that I can't miss
Our break through, But today
There are many things I'd like to say

REFRAIN:
I never gave a shit on what you said,
I'll trust in myself 'till I'm dead.
Listen to these lines of hatred,
You've been always saved, now you're naked
You Always said, I'm an ugly Sucker
Look at me now, today I'm a Rockstar

You never knew, what I'm able to do,
Now look at me, then look at you
What could you reach up to now
What did you do, that I should say 'wow'?

I've never been boastful this way
Now you're here, don't know, what to say
Think about all these things you've done
And realize, that your high spirits have gone

REFRAIN:
I never gave a shit on what you said,
I'll trust in myself 'till I'm dead.
Listen to these lines of hatred,
You've been always saved, now you're naked
You Always said, I'm an ugly Sucker
Look at me now, today I'm a Rockstar

Now it's me, who's laughing to you,
standing in spotlight, screaming whohoo
Think about, what you said,
What you thought and what you did.

REFRAIN:
I never gave a shit on what you said,
I'll trust in myself 'till I'm dead.
Listen to these lines of hatred,
You've been always saved, now you're naked
You Always said, I'm an ugly Sucker
Look at me now, today I'm a Rockstar

___________
Cheeers

 

[Mondluchs]

Es heißt 'You've always been saved', sonst ist mir nichts Schweres aufgefallen.

Ich mag deinen Text, nur zwei Sachen gefallen mir nicht: erstens finde ich die Aussage 'I am a rockstar' nicht so stark, dass ich sie gleichzeitig mit einem erfolgreichen Leben gleichsetzen würde. Bis dahin toller Text - und dann etwas eher Triviales. Keine Ahnung, du könntest ja übertreiben, sagen, dass du der BESTE Rockstar bist, oder so - jedenfalls spricht mich persönlich das dann nicht an. Mein Traum, Rockstar zu werden, ist jedoch auch nicht so ausgeprägt.
So oder so finde ich den Reim 'sucker' und 'Rockstar' ganz schlecht - wenn schon, verzichte ganz auf den Reim und versuch den letzten beiden Zeilen mehr Wucht zu geben. Das sollten ja die sein, wo dann alle mitsingen.

 

[Soulslayer]

You never thought I could be talented
It didn't matter what I said or did
I always looked like an dumb old fool
I always looked like a dumb old fool
To you, for truth you were too cool

You always dwelled upon this,
But I knew that I can't miss
Our break through, But today
There are many things I'd like to say

REFRAIN:
I never gave a shit on what you said,
I never gave a shit about what you said,
I'll trust in myself 'till I'm dead.
Listen to these lines of hatred,
You've been always saved, now you're naked
You've always been saved, now you're naked - "save" : kann es sein, dass du "safe" meinst? "Du warst immer sicher" - "You've always been safe...?
You Always said, I'm an ugly Sucker
Look at me now, today I'm a Rockstar

You never knew, what I'm able to do,
ersten Beistrich weg
Now look at me, then look at you
What could you reach up to now
What did you do, that I should say 'wow'?
ersten Beistrich weg

I've never been boastful this way
Now you're here, don't know, what to say
zweiten Beistrich weg
Think about all these things you've done
And realize, that your high spirits have gone

REFRAIN:das Selbe ausbessern wie oben - äh ja... logisch ne
I never gave a shit on what you said,
I'll trust in myself 'till I'm dead.
Listen to these lines of hatred,
You've been always saved, now you're naked
You Always said, I'm an ugly Sucker
Look at me now, today I'm a Rockstar

Now it's me, who's laughing to you,
Now it's me who's laughing at you
standing in spotlight, screaming whohoo
standing in the spotlight,...
Think about, what you said,
ersten Beistrich weg
What you thought and what you did.

REFRAIN:
I never gave a shit on what you said,
I'll trust in myself 'till I'm dead.
Listen to these lines of hatred,
You've been always saved, now you're naked
You Always said, I'm an ugly Sucker
Look at me now, today I'm a Rockstar

 

[FalscherProphet]

okok ich habs bisl noch verändert und danke fürs Lob und Kritik.

Und das ganze hatte eigentlich den Sinn, dass die alte Band von unserem Drummer ihn als "schlecht" bezeichnet haben und naja den rest kann man sich denken an wen das gerichtet ist

_______________
You never thought I could be talented
It didn't matter what I said or did
I always looked like a dumb old fool
To you, for truth you were too cool

You always dwelled upon this,
But I knew that I can't miss
Our break through, But today
There are many things I'd like to say

REFRAIN:
I never gave a shit about what you said,
I'll trust in myself 'till I'm dead.
Listen to these lines of hatred,
You've always been safe, now you're naked
You can't hide any longer from the lowdown
Now come on, Let's start our final showdown !

You never knew what I'm able to do,
Now look at me, then look at you
What could you reach up to now
What did you do that I should say 'wow'?

I've never been boastful this way
Now you're here, don't know what to say
Think about all these things you've done
And realize, that your high spirits have gone

REFRAIN:
I never gave a shit about what you said,
I'll trust in myself 'till I'm dead.
Listen to these lines of hatred,
You've always been safe, now you're naked
You can't hide any longer from the lowdown
Now come on, Let's start our final showdown !

Now it's me who's laughing to you
standing in spotlight, screaming whohoo
Think about what you said,
What you thought and what you did.

REFRAIN:
I never gave a shit about what you said,
I'll trust in myself 'till I'm dead.
Listen to these lines of hatred,
You've always been safe, now you're naked
You can't hide any longer from the lowdown
Now come on, Let's start our final showdown !
___________________

TITELÄNDERUNG: Final Showdown


Soulslayer: Kommentar wär nett^^

 

[Soulslayer]

Eins ist mir noch aufgefallen:

I've never been boastful this way
Now you're here, don't know what to say
Think about all these things you've done
And realize, that your high spirits have gone
Beistrich auf jeden Fall weg - es ist auch möglich das "that" wegzulassen, ist grammatikalisch nicht nötig

Soulslayer: Kommentar wär nett^^

Naja... ein Text über "du hast mich verarscht, jetzt hab ich's dir gezeigt" halt. Liest sich aber schon schön flüssig finde ich.

 

[scraping-micha]

hi,

würde einige füllworte streichen.

ich glaube du meinst "Now it's me who's laughing AT you".

im refrain haste drauf gestuhlt, was gesagt wurde, später forderst du auf zu reminiszieren. widerspricht sich, bzw. assoziiert, daß dir eigentlich doch nicht ganz egal war/ist, was gesagt wurde.

nur vorschläge!


gruß,

micha