Night of the Dance :>

[MuhMuh]

Watch the sun is slowly falling down
My heart starts to beat faster and faster and
It smells of night
It smells of new dark night

Don’t be shy , so don’t be shy
It’s just starting to get interesting
Come at me , so come at me
I will make you

Dance with me
The day is over
Dance with me
Together in the darkness
Dance with me
Under the sky
And watch the stars
And watch the stars

Full moon reflecting in my eyes
My blood starts get hotter and hotter and
You’re so beautiful
You’re so unbelievably beautiful

I can’t stop my feet they move on their own
I got this feeling of infinite joy
Feel the passion in our dance
Feel the moon shine on your skin

Dance with me
The day is over
Dance with me
Together in the darkness
Dance with me
Under the sky
And watch the stars
And watch the stars

As we dance I feel so free
I would give everything for this night to never end
This is my personal paradise
Where I could stay forever

The dawn breaks my heart
The last seconds of my paradise fade away
Get your arms around me one last time
Before we must part until it’s night again

 

[Diavor]

Hallo =)

Erstmal kurz eine Berichtigung des Texts. Rote Wörter müssen raus, grün sind die Berichtigungen.

Night of the Dance :>

Watch the sun is slowly sinking
My heart starts beating faster and faster and
It smells of night
It smells of new dark night

Don't be shy , so don't be shy
It just starts to get interesting
Come to me , so come to me
I will make you

Dance with me
The day is over
Dance with me
Together in the darkness
Dance with me
Under the sky
And watch the stars
And watch the stars

Full moon reflecting in my eyes
My blood starts getting hotter and hotter and
You're so beautiful
You're so unbelievably beautiful

I can't stop my feet, they move on their own
I got this feeling of infinite joy
Feel the passion in our dance
Feel the moon shine on your skin

Dance with me
The day is over
Dance with me
Together in the darkness
Dance with me
Under the sky
And watch the stars
And watch the stars

As we dance I feel so free
I would give everything for this night to never end
This is my personal paradise
Where I could stay forever / oder anders: Where I could spend a lifetime

The Dawn breaks my heart
My Paradise's last seconds fade
Get your arms around me one last time
Because we must part until it's night again

So, hoffe die Veränderungen sind genehm. An manchen Stellen so, wie es grammatikalisch korrekter ist, an den anderen, wo es der Thematik entsprechend ruhig etwas poetischer klingen dürfte. Soweit finde ich dise nämlich ziemlich schön und vom ganzen Text gefallen mir die letzten zwei Zeilen am meisten.

Was für Musik hast du dir dazu vorgestellt?

LG
Diavor

 

[pianoplayer81]

Ein paar Verbesserungsvorschläge, Fragen und Anmerkungen

Watch the sun is slowly falling down
My heart starts to beat faster and faster and
It smells of night -- was willst du sagen? Es riecht nach Nacht? Oder es riecht die Nacht?
It smells of new dark night

Don't be shy , so don't be shy
It's just starting to get interesting
Come at me , so come at me -- come at me klingt nicht gut in meinen Ohren: Komm bei mir heisst das doch oder? ich hätte Come TO/WITH me geschrieben: Komm zu/mit mir
I will make you -- Ich werde dich machen?? Was denn? Das sie zu dir kommt? Das fänd ich schade wenn du sie erst dazu bringen musst zu dir zu kommen.

Dance with me
The day is over
Dance with me
Together in the darkness
Dance with me
Under the sky
And watch the stars
And watch the stars

Full moon reflecting in my eyes
My blood starts get hotter and hotter and -- starts getting, is starting to get, starts to get
You're so beautiful
You're so unbelievably beautiful

I can't stop my feet they move on their own
I got this feeling of infinite joy
Feel the passion in our dance
Feel the moon shine on your skin

Dance with me
The day is over
Dance with me
Together in the darkness
Dance with me
Under the sky
And watch the stars
And watch the stars

As we dance I feel so free
I would give everything for this night to never end
This is my personal paradise
Where I could stay forever

The dawn breaks my heart
The last seconds of my paradise fade away
Get your arms around me one last time -- "put your arms around me" oder "Hug me one last time"
Before we must part until it's night again

Die Musik würde mich auch interessieren die du dazu auswählen würdest.

 

[wilbour-cobb]

Watch the sun is slowly sinking
My heart starts beating faster and faster and
It smells of night
It smells of new dark night
Inhaltlich wäre hier present prgressiv sinniger, du scheinst hier ja eine Szenerie zu beschrieben.

Don't be shy , so don't be shy
It just starts to get interesting
Come to me , so come to me
Come at s.o. bedeuted jemanden angreifen.
I will make you

Dance with me
The day is over
Dance with me
Together in the darkness
Dance with me
Under the sky
And watch the stars
And watch the stars

Full moon reflecting in my eyes
My blood starts getting hotter and hotter and
You're so beautiful
You're so unbelievably beautiful

I can't stop my feet, they move on their own
I got this feeling of infinite joy
Feel the passion in our dance
Feel the moon shine on your skin

Dance with me
The day is over
Dance with me
Together in the darkness
Dance with me
Under the sky
And watch the stars
And watch the stars

As we dance I feel so free
I would give everything for this night to never end
This is my personal paradise
Where I could stay forever / oder anders: Where I could spend a lifetime

The Dawn breaks my heart
My Paradise's last seconds fade
Get your arms around me one last time
Because we must part until it's night again
Hier würde sich überall present progressiv an vielen Stellen besser machen. "breaking my heart.." usw.