2. Text meinerseits. Projekttitel "Dance Bitches"

[Attidude]

so nachdem ihr mir bei meinem ersten text schon eine sehr große hilfe wart, wollte ich euch meinen 2. text mal vorstellen. ich glaube nämlich, dass darin noch etliche grammatikalische fehler und verständnisprobleme vorkommen.
ich hoffe ihr findet euch in dem "chaos" zurecht.

"Dance Bitches"

Strophe:
It`s hard to wake up every morning, go to work to finance my existence
Day to Day, we have to submit us
But this is wrongful and also boring

The fatty racketeer encash alle the money
So don`t piss down my back and tell me it`s raining now

You ain`t alone with your concern honey
So go in for something and tell me how

Bridge:
Can anyone tell me what`s fucking going on
Can anyone tell me when we are right or wrong (right or wrong with this song!)
Is this a day dream or..or our last chance
The thing we can do is to go on the stange and dance (Dance Bitches!)


Refrain:
all is coming down to the green
But we should stop and think about something else
Is money all that we need (No!)
So stand up and desist from your greed

The same question all along
Are we stupid puppets of society
yeah, Is it right or is it wrong (wrong!)
So raise your voice and change something (now!)


Strophe:
You have to launch your changes now
cause you never know, when you will get a second chance
this isn`t a one man show
so get you ass up and take these helping hands

you have to get up from your misery
don`t miss any help
cause nothing is for free
you have a lot of work, when you will be, on the top of the world
so tell me..


Bridge:
Can anyone tell me what`s fucking going on
Can anyone tell me when we are right or wrong
Is this a day dream or our last chance
The thing we can do is to go on the stange and dance (Dance Bitches!)


Refrain:
all is coming down to the green
But we should stop and think about something else
Is money all that we need? (no!)
So stand up and desist from your greed

The same question all along
Are we stupid puppets of society
yeah Is it right or is it wrong (wrong!)
So raise your voice and change something (now!)

Outro

 

[wilbour-cobb]

"Dance Bitches"

Strophe:
It`s hard to wake up every morning, go to work to finance my existence
das würde man so nicht sagen , eher "to earn my livelihood" oder "to earn my keep" (britisch) oder vielleicht " "to make a living"
Day to Day, we have to submit us
"submit" braucht einen bezug, es heisst immer "submit to something", also in deinem fall: "we have to submit to the money" oder sowas
"day by day"
But this is wrongful and also boring
"wrongful" ist "widerrechtlich", ich finde das passt nicht, auch eher "it" statt "this"

The fatty racketeer encash alle the money
hui, "fatty" kenn ich nur im zusammenhang mit "fatty heart" oder "fatty cirrhosis", aber nicht als adjektiv für einen menschen. "encash" meint "auszahlen", da ist nicht klar an wen er ads geld auszahlt, es müsste auch "encahses" heissen, 3 person singular.
So don`t piss down my back and tell me it`s raining now
finde ich cool, aber das "now" macht keinen sinn, "Piss down my back and tell me it's only rain" fände ich das besser.

You ain`t alone with your concern honey
besser "concerns"
So go in for something and tell me how
"go in for something" macht keinen sinn

Bridge:
Can anyone tell me what`s fucking going on
würde man "what the fuck is going on" sagen
Can anyone tell me when we are right or wrong (right or wrong with this song!)
Is this a day dream or..or our last chance
"daydream" ist was positives, meinst du das so?
The thing we can do is to go on the stange and dance (Dance Bitches!)
ohne "the", einfach "go on stage"


Refrain:
all is coming down to the green
"down to the green" verstehe ich nicht, eine redewendung ist das nicht
But we should stop and think about something else
Is money all that we need (No!)
So stand up and desist from your greed

The same question all along
Are we stupid puppets of society
yeah, Is it right or is it wrong (wrong!)
So raise your voice and change something (now!)


Strophe:
You have to launch your changes now
"launch your changes" klingt komisch, "launch the change" wäre da stimmiger, da es in dem text aber so viel um geld geht, muss ich bei "change" an kleingeld denken....
cause you never know, when you will get a second chance
this isn`t a one man show
so get you ass up and take these helping hands

you have to get up from your misery
don`t miss any help
cause nothing is for free
you have a lot of work, when you will be, on the top of the world
"you will have a lot of work to do, when you will reach the wop of world" oder so, so wie du es hast geht es nicht, inhaltlich und zeitlich
so tell me..


Bridge:
Can anyone tell me what`s fucking going on
siehe oben
Can anyone tell me when we are right or wrong
Is this a day dream or our last chance
The thing we can do is to go on the stange and dance (Dance Bitches!)


Refrain:
all is coming down to the green
But we should stop and think about something else
Is money all that we need? (no!)
So stand up and desist from your greed

The same question all along
Are we stupid puppets of society
yeah Is it right or is it wrong (wrong!)
So raise your voice and change something (now!)

 

[x-Riff]

Yu - ich warte dann mal die zweite Fassung ab - also unverständlich oder zusammenhangslos fand ich das jetzt nicht - ein paar Sachen vielleicht: also diese Zeile "Are we stupid puppets of society" finde ich etwas abgelatscht bzw. nichts sagend: sind wir dumme Puppen der Gesellschaft? da würde ich mehr rauskitzeln wollen, was Du eigentlich am Wickel hast ... ansonsten sehe ich das mehr so als Aneinanderreihung von Sachen wie: so geht´s nicht weiter - werden wir eigentlich immer verarscht - und reißen uns denselben nur auf - wir müssen doch was ändern - das ist unsere letzte chance --- also zusammen mit treibender mukke und fettem gesang und auf der tanzfläche geht´s ja hin und mag ja auch grundsätzlich nicht falsch sein - aber wegen dem text wird man den song wohl nicht in erster linie hören ...

 

[Attidude]

so ich hab mich eben nochmal daran gemacht und versucht, die angesprochenen dinge zu "verbessern".

"Dance Bitches"

Strophe:
It`s hard to wake up every morning, go to work to earn my livelihood
Day by Day, we have to submit to the money
But it is counterfeit and also boring

The greedy racketeer encahses alle the money
So don`t piss down my back and tell me it`s only rain

You ain`t alone with your concerns honey
So find an answer and try to explain

Bridge:
Can anyone tell me what the fuck is going on
Can anyone tell me when we are right or wrong (right or wrong with this song!)
Is this a illusion or..or our last chance
The thing we can do is to go on stange and dance (Dance Bitches!)


Refrain:
all comes down to the green (= "es geht eben immer ums Geld"; laut Leo.org)
But we should stop and think about something else
Is money all that we need (No!)
So stand up and desist from your greed

The same question all along
Are we stupid puppets of society
yeah, Is it right or is it wrong (wrong!)
So raise your voice and make your choice


Strophe:
You have to start to do your change now
cause you never know, when you will get a second chance
this isn`t a one man show
so get your ass up and take these helping hands

you have to get up from your misery
don`t miss any help
cause nothing is for free
you`ll have a lot of work to do, to find the truth, inside you
so tell me..


Bridge:
Can anyone tell me what the fuck is going on
Can anyone tell me when we are right or wrong (right or wrong with this song!)
Is this a illusion or..or our last chance
The thing we can do is to go on stange and dance (Dance Bitches!)


Refrain:
all comes down to the green
But we should stop and think about something else
Is money all that we need? (no!)
So stand up and desist from your greed

The same question all along
Are we stupid puppets of society?
yeah Is it right or is it wrong (wrong!)
So raise your voice and make your choice

Outro

 

[wilbour-cobb]

But it is counterfeit and also boring

"conterfeited", muss ins passiv

The greedy racketeer encahses alle the money

"greedy" ist gut, aber "encashes" macht noch nicht wirklich sinn, was macht er denn zu Geld?

Is this a illusion or..or our last chance

an illusion

all comes down to the green (= "es geht eben immer ums Geld"; laut Leo.org)

naja, leo finde ich nie so die tolle quelle, in dem fall glaube ich das mal, es ist gar nicht verwunderlich, dass wir den spruch in Australien nicht kennen, unser Geld sieht so aus...

 

[x-Riff]

"Dance Bitches"

Strophe:
It`s hard to wake up every morning, go to work to earn my livelihood
Day by Day, we have to submit to the money
But it is counterfeit and also boring

The greedy racketeer encahses alle the money
encashes
So don`t piss down my back and tell me it`s only rain
die zeile finde ich ja klasse - so in der Art (klare Haltung, direkte Sprache, Emotion) könnte mehr sein, finde ich

You ain`t alone with your concerns honey
So find an answer and try to explain
das paßt irgendwie nicht: finde eine antwort und versuche zu erklären ...

Bridge:
Can anyone tell me what the fuck is going on
Can anyone tell me when we are right or wrong (right or wrong with this song!)
Is this a illusion or..or our last chance
an illusion
The thing we can do is to go on stange and dance (Dance Bitches!)
The thing we can do - das finde ich sperrig und "holzig" - vlt. sowas wie: All we can do ... oder So why don´t we go onto the stage/enter the stage and dance ...


Refrain:
all comes down to the green (= "es geht eben immer ums Geld"; laut Leo.org)
But we should stop and think about something else
Is money all that we need (No!)
Das finde ich auch sperrig formuliert ...
So stand up and desist from your greed
vlt sowas wie: So stand up and forget about your greed?

The same question all along
Are we stupid puppets of society
yeah, Is it right or is it wrong (wrong!)
So raise your voice and make your choice


Strophe:
You have to start to do your change now
cause you never know, when you will get a second chance
if würde es dramatisieren: man weiß nicht nur nicht, wann die zweite Chance kommt, sondern man weiß auch nicht, ob man überhaupt eine zweite Chance bekommt ...
this isn`t a one man show
so get your ass up and take these helping hands

you have to get up from your misery
don`t miss any help
cause nothing is for free
das finde ich im Zusammenhang mit help etwas verwirrend, weil man für Hilfe ja in der Regel nicht bezahlt ...
you`ll have a lot of work to do, to find the truth, inside you
so tell me..


Bridge:
Can anyone tell me what the fuck is going on
Can anyone tell me when we are right or wrong (right or wrong with this song!)
Is this a illusion or..or our last chance
The thing we can do is to go on stange and dance (Dance Bitches!)


Refrain:
all comes down to the green
But we should stop and think about something else
Is money all that we need? (no!)
So stand up and desist from your greed

The same question all along
Are we stupid puppets of society?
yeah Is it right or is it wrong (wrong!)
So raise your voice and make your choice

Yeah Let´s rock this fucking world!