History of me [english]

[S-k-y.F-i-r-e]

Strophe 1:
It started so nice,
it wasn't meant to be
what should I do know?
again I'm confused
again I don't know where to turn.
all the misery repeats

Refrain:
There was just one single kiss.
I don't know if it meant anything to you.
Again i find a old subject.
All misery repeats over and over again.
The disbefliefs supress me again.

Strophe 2:
I'd like to freak out to release all my grief
but i can't, cause it's imprisoned in me
I haven't enought nerve to let it out.
I don't know how to process.

Bridge:
You don't tell me what's going on.
So I still stand in the dark
filled up with fear.

Refrain:
There was just one single kiss.
I don't know if it meant anything to you.
Again i find a old subject.
All misery repeats over and over again.
The disbefliefs supress me again.

Strophe 3:
I miss the feeling be loved
I miss being huged
I miss so much ..
I feel like I'm air
nothing.
nowhere.

Outro:
I have to look forward.
Nobody cars about the past.


mal wieder was von mir
wäre nett wenn man jemand drüber schaut, ich hoffe ich hab das jetzt mit der Ordnung etwas besser hinbekommen


lg
Flo

 

[Jay-P]

So, ich versuchs dann mal....:

Strophe 1:
It started so nice,
it wasn't meant to be
what should I do know? Hört sich seltsam an, ich würde das "do" weglassen.
again I'm confused
again I don't know where to turn.
all the misery repeats Wenn man im Aktiv bleibt, dann "is repeating", im Passiv dann "is being repeated".

Refrain:
There was just one single kiss.
I don't know if it meant anything to you.
Again i find an old subject.
All misery repeats over and over again. s.o.
The disbefliefs supress me again. "is suppressing me"

Strophe 2:
I'd like to freak out to release all my grief
but i can't, cause it's imprisoned in me
I haven't enought nerve to let it out. "I don't have the nerve to let it out"
I don't know how to process. Besser wäre "how to go on" o.ä.

Bridge:
You don't tell me what's going on.
So I still stand in the dark "So I am still standing"
filled up with fear. Ich fände "full of fear" besser.

Refrain: s.o.
There was just one single kiss.
I don't know if it meant anything to you.
Again i find a old subject.
All misery repeats over and over again.
The disbefliefs supress me again.

Strophe 3:
I miss the feeling be loved Müsste "I am missing the feeling of being loved" heißen
I miss being huged I am missing"
I miss so much .. s.o.
I feel like I'm air Hm, bin mir nicht sicher, aber müsste "I am feeling as if I was air"
nothing.
nowhere. Auf was bezieht sich denn "nowhere"?

Outro:
I have to look forward.
Nobody cars about the past. cares



Flo

Die Angaben sind wie immer ohne Gewähr, also verbessert mich ruhig.

Jay-P

 

[desgraca]

It started so nice,
ich hab mir ja vorgenommen keine adverben zu verbessern, daher darf nice bleiben,,,aber mach started out statt started
it wasn't meant to be
what should I do know? Hört sich seltsam an, ich würde das "do" weglassen.
hört sich an als meinte er "what should i do now" oder?
again I'm confused
again I don't know where to turn.
where to turn to
all the misery repeats Wenn man im Aktiv bleibt, dann "is repeating", im Passiv dann "is being repeated".
all the misery is repeated

Refrain:
There was just one single kiss.
I don't know if it meant anything to you.
Again i find an old subject.
an old topic
All misery repeats over and over again. s.o.
The disbefliefs supress me again. "is suppressing me"
disbelief is suppressing me/ disbelief supresses me ....geht beides, aber kein plural

Strophe 2:
I'd like to freak out to release all my grief
hm, eigentlich würd ich da jetzt machen "i'd like to burst/explode to release all my grief"
but i can't, cause it's imprisoned in me
I haven't enought nerve to let it out. "I don't have the nerve to let it out"
I don't know how to process. Besser wäre "how to go on" o.ä.
progress

Bridge:
You don't tell me what's going on.
you're not telling me /you never tell me
So I still stand in the dark "So I am still standing"
filled up with fear. Ich fände "full of fear" besser.
geht beides
Refrain: s.o.
There was just one single kiss.
I don't know if it meant anything to you.
Again i find a old subject.
All misery repeats over and over again.
The disbefliefs supress me again.

Strophe 3:
I miss the feeling be loved Müsste "I am missing the feeling of being loved" heißen
i miss the feeling of being loved
I miss being huged I am missing"
i miss being hugged
I miss so much .. s.o. s.o.
I feel like I'm air Hm, bin mir nicht sicher, aber müsste "I am feeling as if I was air" i feel like (i'm) air
nothing.
nowhere. Auf was bezieht sich denn "nowhere"?

Outro:
I have to look forward.
look ahead
Nobody cars about the past. cares


also mir gefällt dein text von der stimmung her,,,,

und @jay : leichter progressive-fetisch?

 

[Jay-P]

@Nate: Scheint so. Ich hab auch gedacht, als ich fertig war: Kann das wirklich sein? Wenn ich solche Sachen versuche zu korrigieren fällt mir das manchmal etwas schwer zu entscheiden, wann man jetzt present progressive nimmt und wann simple present. Wenn man selber schreibt ist das irgendwie einfacher...

Jay-P

 

[desgraca]

verbesser am besten nie etwas zu einem progressiv was du nicht ausführlich begründen kannst falscherweise mal ein simple present fällt viel weniger als fehler auf als zu viel progressiv.

achso, zum titel "my history"

 

[donay]

würde den titel in
'an old topic'
umwandeln...

 

[S-k-y.F-i-r-e]

Strophe 1:
It started out so nice,
it wasn't meant to be
what should I do now?
again I'm confused
again I don't know where to turn to.
all the misery is repeated

Refrain:
There was just one single kiss.
I don't know if it meant anything to you.
Again i find an old topic.
All misery repeats over and over again. s.o.
The disbeflief is supressing me again.

Strophe 2:
I'd like to borst to release all my grief
but i can't, cause it's imprisoned in me
I don't have the nerve to let it out
I don't know how progress

Bridge:
You never tell me what's going on.
So I am still standing in the dark
filled up with fear

Refrain:
There was just one single kiss.
I don't know if it meant anything to you.
Again i find a old subject.
All misery repeats over and over again.
The disbeflief is supressing me again.

Strophe 3:
I miss the feeling of being loved.
I miss being hugged.
I miss so much.
I am feeling as if I was air
nothing.
nowhere.

Outro:
I have to look ahead.
Nobody cares about the past.

I am feeling as if I was air
nothing.
nowhere.

Damit meine ich, das ich mich fühle als wäre ich nichts, nirgentwo. also um das metaphorisch zu unterschreichen, quasi *g*


Edit:

würde den titel in
'an old topic'
umwandeln...

Hm... joa, hat was... Ich denk drüber nach.

 

[donay]

so nun probier ichs auch noch meine anmerkungen sind rein aus meinem gefühl und ich gebe absolut keine gewähr auf grammatikalische korrektheit. es sind nur vorschläge, die du nach gutdünken wieder verwerfen darfst


It started out so nice,
it wasn't meant to last
what shall i do now
again I'm confused
again I don't know where to run (kleine sinnänderung;-))
the misery repeats again

Refrain:
There was just one single kiss.
I don't know if it meant anything to you.
Again i find an old topic.
the misery repeats again
The disbeflief is supressing me again.

Strophe 2:
I'd like to burst, releasing my grief (da binich jetzt sehr sehr unsicher!)
but i can't, cause it's imprisoned in me das cause könnte man weglassen
I don't have the nerve to let it out
I don't know how to progress

Bridge:
You never tell me what's going on.
So I am still standing in the dark
filled up with fear

Refrain:
There was just one single kiss.
I don't know if it meant anything to you.
Again i find a old subject.
All misery repeats over and over again. s.o.
The disbeflief is supressing me again.

Strophe 3:
I miss the feeling of being loved.
I miss being hugged.
I miss so much. ???
I am feeling as if I was air
nothing.
nowhere.

Outro:
I have to look ahead.
Nobody cares about the past.

 

[S-k-y.F-i-r-e]

I miss so much. ???

ich vermisse so vieles

 

[x-Riff]

Hey sky:

also es hat deutlich an Struktur gewonnen. Die ersten Sachen, die Du gepostet hast waren so zwischen Fragment und assoziativ runtergeschriebenen Texten - geht auch beides, aber das muss man dann auch musikalisch anders umsetzen, imho.

Gefällt mir ganz gut, wenn ich auch persönlich dazu tendieren, etwas mehr in die Metaphern- oder Bildschiene zu gehen, da die Aussagesätze stark überwiegen.

Aber Du bringst das, was Du sagen willst, gut und verständlich rüber und der Rest ist vorwiegend Geschmacksache und/oder kommt mit zunehmender Erfahrung (wenn man nämlich im vierten Text merkt, dass man immer bei den gleichen Formulierungen landet ...).

Es haben sich ja hier erfreulicherweise einige Leute gefunden, die sich über Deinen Text gebeugt und Feedback sowie Anregungen gegeben haben. Also bleibt mir nur zu sagen, dass der Text dadurch gewonnen hat und dass Du ruhig beim Schreiben bleiben solltest.

x-Riff