41 Victims of Life /alternativ bis melancholisch

[Maddi]

Hey ho

nun mehr ein psychodelischer Text, der sich auf einen Psycho bezieht, der wahllos Leute umbringt.

Aber lest selbst:



41 Victims of Life

A scar
sewed with 40 stitches
his hand full of blood

destroyed
stood in the newspaper
40 lifes were took away

a screw
in his head told him what to do
tightend up with every step

EVERY STITCH
ONE LIFE
ONE STAB
LIFE has vanished

One victim screamed
the other one fell to the ground
He looked back in anger

His eyes as red as blood
hate ran up his thoughts

EVERY STITCH
ONE LIFE
ONE STAB
LIFE has vanished

his arm slit off ... (da bin ich mir nicht ganz sicher?)

The police busted him
he claimed :“innocent“
they stuck him into jail
now he´s there
telling his story:


EVERY STITCH
ONE LIFE
ONE STAB
LIFE has vanished

I felt like god
or the devil itself
took life away
now mine was taken,too

I only got a scar
sewed with 40 Stitches
41 Victims of Life

 

[desgraca]

ich find den text ehrlich gesagt alles andere als psychedelisch

und leider ziemlich verbesserungswürdig,,,quasi jedes zweite wort.. willste verbesserung haben?

 

[x-Riff]

Also nicht jeder Text über einen Psycho ist ein psychodelischer Text ...

Find ihn eher wie die Unterzeilen und Sprechblasen zu einem Comix über einen Massenmörder.
Aber okay - was die Sprache betrifft verlasse ich mich mal auf das Urteil von nate.

x-Riff

 

[Maddi]

hey,

ja nate ich würde gerne ne verbesserung hören.
und danke für das Feedback.

gruß Maddi

 

[desgraca]

naja, genaugenommen das halt ne aneinanderreihung von,,,wortfetzen,,,,,ich mach einfach mal die grammatikfehler raus aus dem was da is


41 Victims of Life

A scar
sewed with 40 stitches
his hand full of blood

destroyed
stood in the newspaper
it was in the newspapers
40 lifes were took away
40 lives had been taken away

a screw
in his head told him what to do
tightend up with every step

EVERY STITCH
every stab
ONE LIFE
is a life
ONE STAB
LIFE has vanished

One victim screamed
the other one fell to the ground
He looked back in anger

His eyes as red as blood
hate ran up his thoughts
hate took hold of his thoughts

EVERY STITCH
ONE LIFE
ONE STAB
LIFE has vanished

his arm slit off ... (da bin ich mir nicht ganz sicher?)
cut off /torn off

The police busted him
he was busted by police
he claimed :“innocent“
claimed to be innocent
they stuck him into jail
put him into jail
now he´s there
that's where he's now
telling his story:


EVERY STITCH
ONE LIFE
ONE STAB
LIFE has vanished

I felt like god
or the devil itself
himself
took life away
lives
now mine was taken,too

I only got a scar
sewed with 40 Stitches
41 Victims of Life
41 opfer des lebens?


ich weiß schon grob worauf du hinauswillst, denke ich, aber iiiiirgendwie müsstest du das ganze schon noch in die eine oder andere richtung ausbauen,,,,entweder du stellst deinen psychopathen mit später reuhe dar, oder als gefühlloses gleichgültiges monster,,,,,,achso und warum sein leben dann auch genommen wurde wird nicht klar, und was das mit den 41 stichen und der narbe auf sich hat auch nicht,,,,

 

[Maddi]

So ich dachte mir ich überarbeitete es doch lieber gleich;

41 Victims of Life or Delicious devil's sin

A scar
sewed with 40 stitches
how could this happen?
how bad it itches!
He remembers
back to the day
far away in the past
judgement day!

a screw
in his head
told him what to do
tightend up with every step
A noise, scream
he felt like in a dream
thoughts trapped
like in a spider web

Ref
every stitch
one life of a person
taking away his sorrow
like an curse he's been banned in
delicious devil's sin

His eyes as red as blood
hate took hold of his thoughts
his arm felt like fire
he saw something dripping down
he was slightly looking at his arm

Ref
every stitch
one life of a person
taking away his sorrow
like an curse he's been banned in
delicious devil's sin

Bridge:
One second
he has been busted by police
claimed to be innocent
they put him into jail
I felt like god
or the devil himself
took lives away

Now I look at my scar
it is sewed with 40 Stitches
holy damn I felt so strong
what did I do wrong?
what did I do wrong?

My memories are fading
I look at my arm
seemed it was just yesterday
I took these forty lives away