One word of you Meinungen und Verbesserungsvorschläge erwünscht!!!

[Janus86]

Hallo Freunde!!!
Ich sitz grade über diesem Text und hätte mal gerne eure Meinung dazu gehört, bzw. evtl auch Verbesserungen was mein Englisch angeht!!!


One word of you

Start:
We are standing strong and proud
A very specialiced crowd
Standing in a line
Trained, Prepaired - the best combined

were well trained we have no fear
sound of death is what we hear
we can see this deep dark clouds
sound of death, it makes us proud

Strophe:
Waiting for the signal you will send when time is right
every moment of our life we'll forget in this fight
You are our father, unconditional we are doing things you want
Standing in a line,everyone - significant

Bridge:
We are your army
Order it and we will fight
we are your weapons
we dont ask whats wrong and right

Refrain:
One word of you will change so many lifes
One word of you will make alot of lonely wifes
One word of you will make the children fatherless
Remember your words - one word has brought to us darkness

Strophe:
You gave the signal, we are marching now to fight
Everything insignificant, we are focused on this fight
You are our father, all you tell to us is true
Dying in a line,our last heartbeat is for you

Bridge:
you are our father
we dont question your decision
you know every man of us
follow you is our mission


Refrain:
One word of you will change so many lifes
One word of you will make alot of lonely wifes
One word of you will make the children fatherless
Remember your words - one word has brought to us the darkness

Danke fürs Lesen und Gedanken machen!!!
Gruß Jan

 

[Annette2904]

Hallo Jan,

Bewerten mag ich gar nicht, das ist wirklich Geschmackssache, aber zum Sprachgebrauch kann ich was sagen:

A very specialiced crowd
A drilled and special crowd
Standing in line (klingt zu deutsch mit dem "a")
Trained, Prepaired - the best combined

were well trained we have no fear
sound of death is what we hear
we can see these deep dark clouds
sound of death, it makes us proud

Strophe:
Waiting for the signal you will send when time is right
every moment of our life we'll forget in this fight
You are our father, unconditional we are doing things you want
Standing in (wieder ohne "a") line,everyone - significant

Bridge:
We are your army
Give the order and we fight
we are your weapons
we don't ask whats wrong and right

Refrain:
One word of you will change so many lifes
One word of you will make alot of lonely wifes
One word of you will make the children fatherless
Remember your words - one word has brought (to würde ich weglassen, den Satz verstehe ich auch nicht, vielleicht ist das auch Absicht....) us darkness

Strophe:
You gave the signal, we are marching now to fight
Everything insignificant, we are focused on this fight
You are our father, all you tell (to würde ich weglassen) us is true
Dying in a line,our last heartbeat is for you

Bridge:
you are our father
we dont question your decision
you know every (vielleicht single einfügen?) man (of us würde ich so nicht schreiben, klingt deutsch)
follow you is our mission


Refrain:
One word of you will change so many lifes
One word of you will make alot of lonely wifes
One word of you will make the children fatherless
Remember your words - one word has brought to us the darkness

Das nur mal so auf die Schnelle, ich hoffe es hilft dir weiter, ich wollte nichts umformulieren, habe öfter die Tendenz mich da mitreissen zu lassen, arbeite aber dran

LG, Annette

 

[Transistorkiller]

Prepaired? .

 

[Janus86]

Hey Annette!
Vielen lieben Dank fürs Lesen und Verbessern!
Hab eig alles so übernehmen können wie dus geändert hast!!!

Lg Jan