n paar texte von mir - wünsch mir n paar meinungen (Kritik,Lob)

von FollowTheHollow, 20.08.06.

  1. FollowTheHollow

    FollowTheHollow Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 20.08.06   #1
    hoi leutz, ich bin ja eigentlich kein Sänger, aber der Thread hier scheint mir perfekt um meine selbst geschriebenen Texten zu posten. Wie gesagt, ich würd gerne mal n paar meinungen von euch hören (Kritik - Lob - Tipps etc.)
    mir ist schon bewusst, dass ich vllt n paar grammatikfehler, rechtschreibfehler oda so hab...aber die sind eher zweitrangig. wär auf jeden fall cool, wenn ihr mal n paar statements abgeben könntet, wär mir echt wichtig...will ja wissen ,wie meine texte bei anderen leutz ankommen...
    fangen wir also an ^^...

    You are an absurd person

    I learned to use my mouth
    when nothing is right
    my fists are strong and i rise up
    now i'm ready to fight!

    REF.:
    I'm the one kickin' you down
    ev'ry word you say it's only a lie
    I'm the one pushin' you down to the ground
    my question - are you ready to die?

    you stand in front of me
    my mouth is my weapon
    laughing about your person
    laughing about that,you want to be

    REF.:
    I'm the one kickin' you down
    ev'ry word you say it's only a lie
    I'm the one pushin' you down to the ground
    my question - are you ready to die?

    I see your hate in your eyes
    but I look at you and I'm calm
    your weapon is loaded and you put the trigger
    but it'S absurd you can not hurt me

    REF.:
    I'm the one kickin' you down
    ev'ry word you say it's only a lie
    I'm the one pushin' you down to the ground
    my question - are you ready to die?

    I don't want to hurt him


    you told me, that you love me
    I told you, that I love you
    you smiled and said,you're happy
    but there is a problem - that's the fuckin' truth

    you've another relationship
    my best friend loves you
    I don't want to hurt him
    now I shout out all kinds of shit

    Ref.:
    friendship, that's the thing we want
    it's hard for us, but we should do that
    I will never forget your lovely face
    but we must leave this kind of place - (kann man vllt falsch verstehen, deshalb will ich meine metapher erklären: mit "kind of place" bezeichne ich den momentanen stand der dinge, zwischen dem mädchen und mir - wir wollen zsm sein, aber es geht halt net...etc.)


    many words we spoke
    but we didn't know, what we should do
    I've made a fault and told you
    and you accept my way


    Ref.:
    friendship, that's the thing we want
    it's hard for us, but we should do that
    I will never forget your lovely face
    but we must leave this kind of place

    Obsession
    Refr.:
    tell me why i should love you
    tell me why i should kiss you
    all this ignorance to me
    tell me why i should be there for you

    you wrote many letters
    in ev'ry letter you told me,how much you love me
    you told me 'bout your life and about your fetters
    so tell me,why i should be there

    In a dark cold night you told me about your pain
    about your cries in ev'ry night
    all these morbid thoughts in your brain
    so tell me why i should be the light
    tell me why i should help you

    Refr.:
    tell me why i should love you
    tell me why i should kiss you
    all this ignorance to me
    tell me why i should be there for you


    kissin' your lips on a sunny day
    kissin' your lips by a sunny way
    suddenly there was a storm in your brain
    all these morbid thoughts
    all these stupid words you said
    so tell me why i should help you

    ev'ry day you told me about your wounds
    ev'ry minute this pain inside my head
    you couldn't cross your bounds
    tell me where i should take the new power for you

    Refr.:
    tell me why i should love you
    tell me why i should kiss you
    all this ignorance to me
    tell me why i should be there for you


    I couldn't believe this
    you show me all your lesions
    in this second I have lost my bliss
    you told me about your obsession
    tell me why you do all these things

    suddenly you don't tell me something
    you don't spend one word for me
    all this ignorance to me
    so tell me why you love nothing
    so tell me why i should love you


    Refr.:
    tell me why i should love you
    tell me why i should kiss you
    all this ignorance to me
    tell me why i should be there for you

    Our music

    your're hearing our sounds
    our riffs kickin' your asses
    our power strikes agains the bounds
    and we will revive out of the ashes

    Ref.:
    Our music is our life
    We need that shit for to breath
    ev'ry minute we play the songs we feel free
    and that's all we want to give you

    I count till 3 and we will see you dancin'
    one....two...three....DO!


    we are here to put a sign
    we are here to destroy the normal line
    we're here to rock the ground
    we're here to see you jumpin' around!

    Ref.:
    Our music is our life
    We need that shit for to breath
    ev'ry minute we play the songs we feel free
    and that's all we want to give you

    I count till 3 and we will see you dancin'
    one....two...three....DO!

    ev'ry human have his own root
    and that is, why our life is so nice
    we live our life and show it with our music
    so rise you ears open and let's roll the dice

    Ref.:
    Our music is our life
    We need that shit for to breath
    ev'ry minute we play the songs we feel free
    and that's all we want to give you

    I count till 3 and we will see you dancin'
    one....two...three....DO!

    we destroy the dark clouds in our life
    and our music reflect our souls
    burnin' flames you see in our eyes
    and that is the consequence of our life


    Ref.:
    Our music is our life
    We need that shit for to breath
    ev'ry minute we play the songs we feel free
    and that's all we want to give you

    I count till 3 and we will see you dancin'
    one....two...three....DO!

    Revolution of my soul

    we kissed us for many years
    but on one day,it was different
    with a dither voice and many tears
    you said it to me

    "I love you but i must go"
    that was the last sentence you said
    i catch the gun and put the trigger
    and i hit you deadly

    Ref.:
    I like myself and my life
    and ev'rybody who wants to destroy it
    I will put him down to the ground
    at the bodom he‘ll feeling kicked!

    you explain, you've met an other person
    an other person completly different from me
    i couldn't understand it but i learn and
    PUSH YOU AWAY!

    Ref.:
    I like myself and my life
    and ev'rybody who wants to destroy it
    I will put him down to the ground
    at the bodom he‘ll feeling kicked!

    you hurt myself so much and I hate you
    but now, there was a revolution of feelings in my soul
    I swear to me I will never appoint myself to somebody
    no woman should can hurt me

    Ref.:
    I like myself and my life
    and ev'rybody who wants to destroy it
    I will put him down to the ground
    at the bodom he‘ll feeling kicked!

    the revolution is completly finished
    my life is only mine
    because i won't be punished (anymore)
    and that's why I'm here!

    Ref.:
    I like myself and my life
    and ev'rybody who wants to destroy it
    I will put him down to the ground
    at the bodom he‘ll feeling kicked!

    Revolution, revolution


    Ref.:
    revolution,revolution
    we must fight against
    - come on -
    revolution,revolution
    join our opinion!
    - come on -


    There are fuckin' clouds at the sky of my soul
    clouds which covers my mind
    i want to destroy the clouds here from the soil
    and so i rise my mouth open and don't be blind!

    too many humans are blind and shut up
    but that's the wrong way
    we don't may shut up our mouth
    we must say our opinion ev'ry day

    Ref.:
    revolution,revolution
    we must fight against
    - come on -
    revolution,revolution
    join our opinion!
    - come on -

    we aren't here to feel like slaves
    ev'ryone is free and have his own qualities
    we give a fuck of your thinking of implicitness
    we are individuals and ev'rybody is allowed to live!

    Ref.:
    revolution,revolution
    we must fight against
    - come on -
    revolution,revolution
    join our opinion!
    - come on –

    Ref.:
    revolution,revolution
    we must fight against
    - come on -
    revolution,revolution
    join our opinion!
    - come on -


    jetzt schonmal danke,dass ihr euch das überhaupt durch gelesen habt :great:

    so,und jetzt wär ich für n paar statemenst dankbar....

    sind n paar sachen vllt übertrieben?versteht man manche textzeilen net? gibs irgendwo keine sinnvollen gedankenverknüpfungen? oda sowas in der art...

    danke

    mfg
     
  2. x-Riff

    x-Riff Helpful & Friendly User HFU

    Im Board seit:
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    Erstellt: 20.08.06   #2
    Hi Follow !

    Es ist günstiger, Du eröffnest für jeden song einen eigenen thread, sonst wird bald ein Knäul aus verschiedenen comments zu den unterschiedlichen texten entstehen.

    x-Riff
     
  3. FollowTheHollow

    FollowTheHollow Threadersteller Registrierter Benutzer

    Im Board seit:
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    Erstellt: 20.08.06   #3
    okay,danke,werd ich tun


    @mod : bitte löschen,ich mach n neuen thread auf...
     
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