(wieder mal) song bewerten

[lipstick_kill]

hallo.

also ich wär echt dankbar, wenn ihr mir bei diesen 2 songs helfen könntet...
verbesserungsvorschläge oder so...ihr wisst schon.


THE GUN WON'T KILL ME


Can't believe it's true, should they have been all?
Not yet know, if I tell - the only way I can be

is taking you away, away from them and back to me!

I can't tell what I think, anyway it's not my opinion.

My passion is all I've got and I have to say it's too less.

To be is the only thing, I can't handle - I think it's your fault.

In the end it's my testimony that kills me

so don't take the gun away from here!





Today I'm not me again - I'm the one from the picture.

I'm glad you're still here 'cause if you'll go I'll lose.

Don't need my mind anymore but he wants me to keep it.

I put it into the golden box I got for giving my soul.





Can't think of what happens. Have it been all?

Don't know if I'll die. I know a way to be.

What if I put myself in my shoes again and watch what happens.

However stupid we are it will sure come to a finish one day.

Don't know if I still will see if you went down to please yourself,

but the knowledge that you want is enough for me to fall silent.

It's my hopeless hope that kills me

so don't rescue me if I will drown.





Today I'm not me again - I'm the one from the picture.

I'm glad you're still here 'cause if you'll go I'll lose.

Don't need my mind anymore but he wants me to keep it.

I put it into the golden box I got for giving my soul.





Can't imagine you're here. Is that supposed to get bigger?

I know for sure that I'm not proud. The last way is

to take the gun in your mouth - suicide is the only thing you tried,

but you had no reason, you were just a loser - it could be worse.

You could have been a girl or may she'd died in your arms.

So don't kill yourself, let me go down first, be a gentleman.

That's nothing to cry for, that's nothing to die for.

Be foolish and give the gun to me tonight.





Today I'm not me again - I'm the one from the picture.

I'm glad you're still here 'cause if you'll go I'll lose.

Don't need my mind anymore but he wants me to keep it.

I put it into the golden box I got for giving my soul.




Suicide-Society



If you push your problems into future

that they aren't yours but mine,

one day they will find me

strangled by a tie

strangled by a tie

strangled by a tie



If you inject me with your poison

that I'm a puppet just like you,

one day they will find me

choked by a lie

choked by a lie

choked by a lie




If the sky will turn blue
I will just stay away

one day they will find me

now I wanna die

now I wanna die

now I wanna die




ich weiß, ich weiß, sie sind ziemlich..."abstrakt" oder so...
naja, so sind meine songs eben...

 

[Nav]

Finde ich beide recht gut. Vor allem den zweiten, wenn man das mit den sich wiederholenden Zeilen auf eine eindringliche Art und Weise rüberbringt (von der Musik und von der Art es zu singen her), dann kann das extrem geil werden.

Ich empfehle Dir, Dir mal das Album "Endless Journey" von Embraze anzuhören. Die haben da nur sehr, sehr kurze Texte (repetitiv), aber machen damit richtig lange, tolle Songs. Das gefällt Dir sicher.

Gemeint ist diese Empfehlung nicht von wegen "Du brauchst Vorbilder", sondern eher, weil ich denke, daß Du mit diesem Album einfach so Freude haben wirst.

 

[Wobbly]

THE GUN WON’T KILL ME


Can’t believe it’s true, should they have been all?
Not yet know, if I tell – the only way I can be

is taking you away, away from them and back to me!

I can’t tell what I think, anyway it’s not my opinion.

My passion is all I’ve got and I have to say it’s too less.

To be is the only thing, I can’t handle – I think it’s your fault.

In the end it’s my testimony that kills me

so don’t take the gun away from here!


Today I’m not me again – I’m the one from the picture.

I’m glad you’re still here ‘cause if you’ll go I’ll lose.

Don’t need my mind anymore but he wants me to keep it.

I put it into the golden box I got for giving my soul.



Can’t think of what happens. Have it been all?

Don’t know if I’ll die. I know a way to be.

What if I put myself in my shoes again and watch what happens.

However stupid we are it will sure come to a finish one day.

Don’t know if I still will see if you went down to please yourself,

but the knowledge that you want is enough for me to fall silent.

It’s my hopeless hope that kills me

so don’t rescue me if I will drown.


Today I’m not me again – I’m the one from the picture.

I’m glad you’re still here ‘cause if you’ll go I’ll lose.

Don’t need my mind anymore but he wants me to keep it.

I put it into the golden box I got for giving my soul.



Can’t imagine you’re here. Is that supposed to get bigger?

I know for sure that I’m not proud. The last way is

to take the gun in your mouth – suicide is the only thing you tried,

but you had no reason, you were just a loser – it could be worse.

You could have been a girl or may she’d died in your arms.

So don’t kill yourself, let me go down first, be a gentleman.

That’s nothing to cry for, that’s nothing to die for.

Be foolish and give the gun to me tonight.

Also was rot ist versteh ich nicht, bzw. es ist falsch.. Solltest dir if clauses nochmal anschaun if you go, I will....
Habs jetzt nur mal eben überflogen, wenn ich mehr Zeit hab, schreib ich noch was dazu..

 

[waytonirvana]

ich schließe mich Nav an, finde auch beide echt gut, aber den zweiten ein stück besser!