"the day you stopped lovin' me"

[dave1]

You don't even know the meaning of these words
"I'm sorry"- you said for the last time
don't you remember how lucky we were as we looked in each others eyes...
and you told me that you never wanna lose me, no never at all
layin' on your side, let the emotions overwhelm your head
oh, how pejorative it might feel now
you said you would love me until the day you die
but as far as I know, you're still alive


Turn your eyes to me now, watch me cryin'
you wan't me dying inside?
you wan't me beggin' for mercy, once again?
but I won't
I'm back for good, and I won't let these frustrations control my mind

ref.:
The day you stopped lovin' me
I've decided to let love aside
I've decided to set all feelings "calm"
without hittin' my eyelashes together
I'll go for gold!
straight ahead, noone in my way
my eyes are following yours
like a gun with it's crosshair
I'm ready to shoot

 

[x-Riff]

einige sprachliche Anmerkungen oder Nachfragen:

"the day you stopped lovin' me"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You don't even know the meaning of these words
"I'm sorry"- you said for the last time
wieso for?
don't you remember how lucky we were as we looked in each others eyes...
ich glaube into each others eyes ...
and you told me that you never wanna lose me, no never at all
layin' on your side, let the emotions overwhelm your head
nicht by your side?
oh, how pejorative it might feel now
you said you would love me until the day you die
but as far as I know, you're still alive das finde ich richtig klasse


Turn your eyes to me now, watch me cryin'
you wan't me dying inside?
you wan't me beggin' for mercy, once again?
denke als umgangssprache gehen die beiden zeilen in ordnung
but I won't
I'm back for good, and I won't let these frustrations control my mind
das klingt sehr kühl und distanziert und rational ...

ref.:
The day you stopped lovin' me
I've decided to let love aside
I've decided to set all feelings "calm"
without hittin' my eyelashes together
I'll go for gold!
straight ahead, noone in my way
noone´s imho
my eyes are following yours
like a gun with it's crosshair
I'm ready to shoot

Finde den gut und ansprechend, persönlich würde ich mir mehr Zeilen wünschen wie die am Ende der ersten Strophe: da ist es einfach direkt, klar, brutal und emotional ... und sprachlich ganz ganz auf dem Punkt ...

x-Riff

 

[sepia-toned]

Ich finde den Text nicht schlecht, der Anfang hat mir richtig gut gefallen, den Schluss finde ich ein bisschen zu brutal, aber gut...ist ja Geschmackssache
Mir kamen nur zwei Zeilen bekannt vor:
"you said you would love me until the day you die
but as far as I know, you're still alive"

Kennst du von Shakira den Song "Illegal"? Lief mal eine Zeit im Radio auf und ab, deshalb kamen mir die Zeilen direkt bekannt vor, da heißt es nämlich:
"You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby"

Bestimmt keine böse Absicht, ich wollte nur mal drauf hinweisen

 

[JTE]

You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby"

...und die wiederum hats von alanis:
does she know how you told me until you die, until you die...but your still alive!

letztlich warscheinlich kein plagiat, da´s einfach mal ein toller gedanke ist, der sicherlich nicht nur einem menschen kommt ..sieh der far-near vergleich uvm.

find den text auch nicht schlecht...wobei mich die langen zeilen manchmal stören.
trotzdem, gefällt.

 

[dave1]

verdammt, ich wusste ich hab das irgendwo schon mal gehört xD
das merkt man meistens selbst nicht wenn mans schreibt... >.<