paar songtexte... bitte um verbesserung / bewertung - keine änderung

von dave1, 07.10.07.

  1. dave1

    dave1 Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 07.10.07   #1
    #1 - right here

    dear god..
    are you really invisible to my eye?
    or is it just a trick?

    SHOW UP

    a...dark..thick...something,
    hides inside of me !
    it's turnin my head...
    spinning my mind.. up and down..
    why I can't let it out?
    why I CANT BRING YOU DOWN!?
    to your knees...

    turn your face to me!
    I just wan't to take a look into your eyes!
    so tell me why you won't understand me
    everything you ever kept as a secret
    sounds so unbelievable to my mind..

    now i think it's time to take this knife
    out of my heart!
    afraid.. but it could be my end..
    now it's time to stop livin' this life..
    the me i know is just the me I pretend
    every second i feel this pain inside

    a...dark..thick...something,
    hides inside of me !
    it's turnin my head...
    spinning my mind.. up and down..
    why I can't let it out?
    why I CANT BRING YOU DOWN!?
    to your knees...

    LOOK INTO MY FACE DEAR
    there's something i want you to tell!
    now it's your turn to show up..
    right in front of me...
    right here...
    right here...


    #2 - hidden place

    you've started a war you could never control..
    imprisoned in the dark,
    kept as a feared tragedy
    seekin' the escape..
    can't get out of it anymore...
    but I'm protecting myself into my hidden place,
    where no one knows my truth..
    where darkness is holding me,
    never leaving me again..
    observing me..

    fearing your eyes,
    fearing your breath,
    but now boldness flows through my vains
    now I'm able to stand on my own again
    today I'm lookin for my hidden place with the dark gleam
    together with you...I'm never gonna' be alone again

    hidden,

    behind my eyes,
    behind my dreams,
    behind my destination,
    I'm losing my fame

    today, i'm sitting here again,
    a whispering voice is catching my ear,
    courage is gone,
    turned into fear,
    resisting your looks,
    holding every single tear..
    till' the dawn comes up..
    till' the sun 's burnin' your name into my skin..
    waitin'...

    hidden,

    behind my eyes,
    behind my dreams,
    behind my destination,
    I'm losing my fame

    starring at the wall,
    facing your imaginary view,
    seein' your raged eyes..
    comin' up over me..
    holding me so tight,
    with your narcotic voice,
    you're whisperin'..
    leavin' me alone..
    alone in the dark..

    hidden,

    behind my eyes,
    behind my dreams,
    behind my destination,
    I'm losing my fame

    [
    behind my eyes,
    behind my dreams,
    behind my destination,
    I'm losing my fame
    ]
     
  2. desgraca

    desgraca Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 07.10.07   #2
    dear god..
    are you really invisible to my eye?
    or is it just a trick?

    SHOW UP

    a...dark..thick...something,
    hides inside of me !
    inside me
    it's turnin my head...
    spinning my mind.. up and down..
    why I can't let it out?
    why can't i
    why I CANT BRING YOU DOWN!?
    why can't i
    to your knees...

    turn your face to me!
    I just wan't to take a look into your eyes!
    i just want to take a look at your eyes
    so tell me why you won't understand me
    everything you ever kept as a secret
    sounds so unbelievable to my mind..

    now i think it's time to take this knife
    out of my heart!
    afraid.. but it could be my end..
    now it's time to stop livin' this life..
    the me i know is just the me I pretend
    eigentlich "pretend to be"
    every second i feel this pain inside

    a...dark..thick...something,
    hides inside of me !
    it's turnin my head...
    spinning my mind.. up and down..
    why I can't let it out?
    why I CANT BRING YOU DOWN!?
    to your knees...

    LOOK INTO MY FACE DEAR
    look at my face
    there's something i want you to tell!
    now it's your turn to show up..
    right in front of me...
    right here...
    right here...


    #2 - hidden place

    you've started a war you could never control..
    imprisoned in the dark,
    kept as a feared tragedy
    seekin' the escape..
    can't get out of it anymore...
    but I'm protecting myself into my hidden place,
    at my hidden place
    where no one knows my truth..
    where darkness is holding me,
    never leaving me again..
    observing me..

    fearing your eyes,
    fearing your breath,
    but now boldness flows through my veins
    now I'm able to stand on my own again
    today I'm lookin for my hidden place with the dark gleam
    together with you...I'm never gonna' be alone again

    hidden,

    behind my eyes,
    behind my dreams,
    behind my destination,
    I'm losing my fame

    today, i'm sitting here again,
    a whispering voice is catching my ear,
    courage is gone,
    turned into fear,
    resisting your looks,
    holding every single tear..
    till' the dawn comes up..
    till' the sun 's burnin' your name into my skin..
    till the sun burns
    waitin'...

    hidden,

    behind my eyes,
    behind my dreams,
    behind my destination,
    I'm losing my fame

    staring at the wall,
    facing your imaginary view,
    facing a mirage of you ...oder sowas,,,imaginary view is was anderes
    seein' your raged eyes..
    enraged
    comin' up over me..
    holding me so tight,
    with your narcotic voice,
    you're whisperin'..
    leavin' me alone..
    alone in the dark..

    hidden,

    behind my eyes,
    behind my dreams,
    behind my destination,
    I'm losing my fame

    [
    behind my eyes,
    behind my dreams,
    behind my destination,
    I'm losing my fame
    ]



    also keine ahnung, ob ich den titel nu richtig verstanden hab, hab mal versucht zu verbessern ohne zu ändern :D
    ich find einige strophen, vorallem gegen ende, richtig gut, aber teilweise fehlt mir auch echt der zusammenhang zwischen einzelnen zeilen ...
     
  3. dave1

    dave1 Threadersteller Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 07.10.07   #3
    my hidden place is aus 2 perspektiven geschrieben und mirage of you sollte da eher ned so reinpassen denk ich : )
     
  4. dave1

    dave1 Threadersteller Registrierter Benutzer

    Im Board seit:
    22.12.05
    Zuletzt hier:
    16.07.16
    Beiträge:
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    7
    Kekse:
    257
    Erstellt: 07.10.07   #4
    oh gott ich hab so dumme fehler gemacht xD
    das war schnel im suff 5minuten hergeschrieben danke nochmal : )
     
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