Lean Back

[Phizzèl]

hiho,

ich bin neu hier und hoffe hier ratschläge für meinen songtext zu finden. lob/kritik ist erwünscht, vorallendingen aber bin ich mir nicht so sicher in der englischen sprache. schreibt einfach was euch so einfällt

Lean Back

so i turn over and keep on sleepin
holidays in the sun is what im dreamin
you and me on a carribbean isle
me and you never stopping to smile das zb. ist denk ich mal aufjedenfall falsch, verbesserungsvorschläge? bedingung: smile sollte weiterhin hinten stehen!

birds are waking me
and time passing easily

maybe we're a little bit lazy, baby
just spenting a good time
yeah, maybe we're a little bit crazy, baby
come on lets pretend being on a isle
lean back and relax.

Its winter outside and we`re waiting for spring
we sleep till tomorrow when the birds start to sing
we`re longing for coloured days and for the sunrise
but at least we give us some butterflies

just satiesfied.
Just you on my mind.

maybe we're a little bit lazy, baby
but tomorrow is another day
yeah, maybe we're a little bit crazy, baby
and it feels so good to lay
next to you. next to you.

You and me. Me and you.
You and me. Me and you.
You and me. Me and you.
You and me. Me and you.

lean back and relax.

 

[wilbour-cobb]

Lean Back

so i turn over and keep on sleepin
holidays in the sun is what im dreamin
müsste "..is what I'm dreaming of" heissen.
you and me on a carribbean isle
"isle" ist ein sehr britisches und sehr altes wort, eher "eiland" als "insel", ich würde es so nicht nehmen, nur noch in eigennamen.
me and you never stopping to smile das zb. ist denk ich mal aufjedenfall falsch, verbesserungsvorschläge? bedingung: smile sollte weiterhin hinten stehen!
ja, das "stopping" geht nicht, aber das "smile" am ende zu lassen ist kein thema, nur ist "isle" schon keine gute wahl.....

birds are waking me
"are waking me up"
and time passing easily
entweder "is passing by" oder "passes by"

maybe we're a little bit lazy, baby
just spending a good time
yeah, maybe we're a little bit crazy, baby
come on lets pretend being on a isle
wieder die "isle"
lean back and relax.

I'ts winter outside and we`re waiting for spring
we sleep till tomorrow when the birds start to sing
besser: we'll sleep..."
we`re longing for coloured days and for the sunrise
"coloured" ist wirklich "bunt bemalt", "colourful" wäre hier besser
but at least we give us some butterflies
"at least" meint "wenigstens" oder "mindestens" in einem negativen sinne"

just satiesfied.
Just you on my mind.

maybe we're a little bit lazy, baby
but tomorrow is another day
yeah, maybe we're a little bit crazy, baby
and it feels so good to lay
next to you. next to you.

You and me. Me and you.
You and me. Me and you.
You and me. Me and you.
You and me. Me and you.

lean back and relax.

 

[Phizzèl]

vielen vielen dank! hat mir schon sehr geholfen. vielleicht wird das ja doch mal was mit dem text
hab ihn jetzt nochmal überarbeitet, vielleicht schon besser?

---

so i turn over and keep on sleepin
holidays in the sun is what im dreamin of
you and me on a carribbean island
surrounded by blue sea and white sand

we're waking up together
and we see the rainy weather

maybe we're a little bit lazy, baby
just spending a good time
yeah, maybe we're a little bit lazy, baby
lets get back on the island for a while
lean back and relax.

Its winter outside and we`re waiting for spring
well sleep till tomorrow when the birds start to sing
we`re longing for coloured days and for the sunrise
but we give us already some butterflies

just satiesfied.
Just you on my mind.

maybe we're a little bit lazy, baby
but tomorrow is another day
yeah, maybe we're a little bit lazy, baby
and it feels so good to lay
next to you. next to you.
lean back and relax.

---

achja, das coloured will ich irgendwie drin behalten. dann sind es halt buntbemalte tage aber so passt es besser in meinen gesang rein. wird übrigens ein akkustik song!
grüße,