Nächtliche literarische Ergüsse

[Shadow969]

Neulich lag ich im Bett und konnte nicht schlafen und hab so vor ich hingemurmelt und da sind 3,4 Strophen rumgekommen..ihr könnts euch ja mal antun

The end is near,
a fading black starts to appear

the stars will stop to shine
and the world starts to whine

I try to flee
Chaos conquers me

I know were not save
start to dig youre own f*ckin' grave

"Refrain!?"^^:

And when the time starts to stop and your heart stops to shine
then a light will appear lighter than the lightest sunshine

Tja genau so hab ichs aufgeschrieben. Ob's jetzt grammatikalisch richtig ist weiss
ich nicht,aber ein paar Schnitzer werd ich mir wohl erlaubt haben.

MfG

Shadow969

 

[desgraca]

hab mal die schnitzer ausgebessert..

The end is near,
a fading black starts to appear
a fading black appears

the stars will stop to shine
and the world starts to whine

I try to flee
Chaos conquers me

I know we're not save
start to dig youre own f*ckin' grave
besser start digging

"Refrain!?"^^:

And when the time starts to stop and your heart stops to shine
and when time
then a light will appear lighter than the lightest sunshine
brighter than the brightest sunshine

 

[Shadow969]

Man dankt

ich werds mir merken

 

[Shadow969]

Ich habe mal versucht,ein paar Sachen niederzuschreiben die mir auf der Seele liegen. Lachen nicht erlaubt.

I took your hand and I knew I was so safe like in heaven
I really know what you did for me , you were the fort to where I could flee

Why'd you go ? why'd you go so fast,no chance to say goodbye
no chance to think about what you ment to me ,why?

My whole life you were so strange,no chance given to know you well.
you were so brave,nothing could damage you. Till the day you left my world,my hell.

I'm feeling caught in this world,these rules conquer me,I need some help
But you're not here. Can you hear me? I know it's not your fault but I'm a whelp.

A whelp struggling without any direction I cannot find my way
I'm not religious there's no way to reach you I will not pray,I'm so castaway.

There's no light,no voice when I'm alone nobody can reach me,nobody.
I'm totally on my own..

 

[hullabalooza]

Nur kurz zu den ersten paar Zeilen:
Nach "stop" muss in diesem Fall gerund kommen, also
"the stars will stop shining"

I took your hand and I knew I was so safe like in heaven
I really know what you did for me , you were the fort to where I could flee
Wenn du hier sagen willst "so sicher wie im Himmel" müsste es eher "as safe as in heaven" heißen, meine ich.
Why'd you go ? why'd you go so fast,no chance to say goodbye
no chance to think about what you ment to me ,why?
meant
My whole life you were so strange,no chance given to know you well.
you were so brave,nothing could damage you. Till the day you left my world,my hell.
Mmh. Ich würde fast sagen, dass es "no chance to get to know you well" heißen müsste.
I'm feeling caught in this world,these rules conquer me,I need some help
But you're not here. Can you hear me? I know it's not your fault but I'm a whelp.

A whelp struggling without any direction I cannot find my way
I'm not religious there's no way to reach you I will not pray,I'm so castaway.

There's no light,no voice when I'm alone nobody can reach me,nobody.
I'm totally on my own..

 

[desgraca]

I took your hand and I knew I was so safe like in heaven
I really know what you did for me , you were the fort to where I could flee
Wenn du hier sagen willst "so sicher wie im Himmel" müsste es eher "as safe as in heaven" heißen, meine ich.safe like in heaven geht auch, is aber umgangssprachlich....
es muss aber heißen "the fort i could flee to"

Why'd you go ? why'd you go so fast,no chance to say goodbye
no chance to think about what you ment to me ,why?
meant
My whole life you were so strange,no chance given to know you well.
you were so brave,nothing could damage you. Till the day you left my world,my hell.
Mmh. Ich würde fast sagen, dass es "no chance to get to know you well" heißen müsste.ja, das "given" haut auf jeden fall nich hin,,,,, "didn't give me a change to know you" ,,,mit passiv fällt mir da garnix ein.
I'm feeling caught in this world,these rules conquer me,I need some help
i feel
But you're not here. Can you hear me? I know it's not your fault but I'm a whelp. -whelp + puppy

A whelp struggling without any direction I cannot find my way
I'm not religious there's no way to reach you I will not pray,I'm so cast away.

There's no light,no voice when I'm alone nobody can reach me,nobody.
I'm totally on my own..[/QUOTE]
lieber completely oder all als totally

 

[Shadow969]

Ich danke euch beiden meine Texte mal korrigiert zu haben,ich schreibs teils um.

Auf whelp und puppy lass ich mich zB nicht ein

 

[desgraca]

wie du meinst whelp sagt halt hier keiner außer nem biologen