Prophet's Agony

[the_priest]

hi.
wollte mal eure meinung und natürlich radschläge für einen songtext von mir erbitten. habe ihn schon vor einiger zeit geschrieben, die musik zum text steht bis auf die keyboard soli. stilistisch geht es richtung hardrock mit einigen metalanteilen.


Prophet's Agony

Intro

I know you'd say I am crazy
I know you'd say I'm mad
but nothing is like what it seems
for me this is real live
I see things you cannot dream of
I teared by pain you'll never know
'cause hell for you is just a word
however I know what it means

interlude (keyborad solo)

ravaged Towns, fields on fire
I have to watch it once a day
devils surrounded me wherever I walk
by the way they're here to slay
there's no fleeing into a desert
or hiding in a abey
Darkness follows me everywhere
Oh, I don't know where stay

interlude (keyboard solo)

You people grieve me such to hard
Painfully I talk to you again
You never listened to me, did you?
So I'll scream loud and fade away
The only way to kill my agony
Is to change the world today

(guitar solo)

interlude (keyborad solo)

outro

so, das wäre es erstmal
ist nicht grad sehr lyrisch anspruchsvoll und sprachlich garantiert einigermaßen daneben, aber ich wollts euch trotzdem mal vorstellen.
ich bitte aber um konstruktive beiträge.
gruß

 

[desgraca]

Prophet's Agony

Intro

I know you'd say I am crazy
I know you'd say I'm mad
but nothing is like what it seems
nothing is the way it seems
for me this is real live
the real life
I see things you cannot dream of
I teared by pain you'll never know
i'm torn by pain you'll never know
'cause hell for you is just a word
cause to you, hell is just a word
however I know what it means
i, for my part, know what it means

interlude (keyborad solo)

ravaged Towns, fields on fire
I have to watch it once a day
devils surrounded me wherever I walk
surround
by the way they're here to slay
there's no fleeing into a desert
or hiding in a abey
in an abbey
Darkness follows me everywhere
Oh, I don't know where stay

interlude (keyboard solo)

You people grieve me such to hard
you people grieve me too much
Painfully I talk to you again
You never listened to me, did you?
So I'll scream loud and fade away
besser scream out loud
The only way to kill my agony
Is to change the world today

(guitar solo)

interlude (keyborad solo)

outro

so, das wäre es erstmal
ist nicht grad sehr lyrisch anspruchsvoll und sprachlich garantiert einigermaßen daneben, aber ich wollts euch trotzdem mal vorstellen.
ich bitte aber um konstruktive beiträge.
gruß

[/QUOTE]musst dein licht nichso unter den scheffel stellen, is dochn solider text

 

[the_priest]

danke für die verbesserungen. hab auch einiges gleich übernommen. allerdings hab ich bei einigem ein problem mit dem einpassen in die gesangmelodie.

->könnte man ".., for my part, ..." auch kürzer ausdrücken??

->"You people grieve me too much";
wäre hier auch:
"You people grieve me much to hard"?? acht silben passen besser in die melodie.

der rest passt ganz gut.

 

[x-Riff]

Noch ein paar Fitzelchen:

Oh, I don't know where stay

Oh, I don't know where to stay, imho

I, for my part, know what it means > kürzer?

Vielleicht: Only I know what it means ?

You people grieve me much to hard

auf jeden Fall too hard - ob hard in Verbindung mit grieve geht, weiß ich aber nicht.

x-Riff

 

[donay]

du kannst sonst auch
you people grieve me way too much.

dann hast du auch di 8 silben. ich denke das sollte gehen

und dann stell doch nochmals ne neue version rein, geht jeweils besser zum lesen, da kommt man bisschen mehr rein...

by the way: toller text!

 

[desgraca]

du kannst sonst auch
you people grieve me way too much.

nee kann er nich, das wär falsch




bei i for my part

"(but) me, i do know what it means"

ginge da noch

 

[the_priest]

Prophet's Agony

Intro

I know you'd say I am crazy
I know you'd say I'm mad
but nothing is the way it seems
for me this is the real live
I see things you cannot dream of
I'm torn by pain you'll never know
'cause to you, hell is just a word
but me, I do know what it means

interlude (keyborad solo)

ravaged Towns, fields on fire
I have to watch it once a day
devils surround me wherever I walk
by the way they're here to slay
there's no fleeing into a desert
or hiding in an abbey
Darkness follows me everywhere
Oh, I don't know where to stay

interlude (keyboard solo)

You people grieve me such too hard
Painfully I talk to you again
You never listened to me, did you?
So I'll scream out loud and fade away
The only way to kill my agony
Is to change the world today

(guitar solo)

intro

interlude (keyborad solo)

outro

so, das wäre die neuste version. hoffe, dass jetzt auch die tippfehler raus sind.
danke für das feedback.
only I know what it means gefällt mir nicht so recht, weil da der widerspruch zur vorherigen zeile nicht rüberkommt.
gruß

 

[x-Riff]

Prophet's Agony

Intro

I know you'd say I am crazy
I know you'd say I'm mad
but nothing is the way it seems
for me this is the real live
life
I see things you cannot dream of
I'm torn by pain you'll never know
'cause to you, hell is just a word
but me, I do know what it means

interlude (keyborad solo)

ravaged Towns, fields on fire
I have to watch it once a day
devils surround me wherever I walk
by the way they're here to slay
there's no fleeing into a desert
or hiding in an abbey
Darkness follows me everywhere
Oh, I don't know where to stay

interlude (keyboard solo)

You people grieve me such too hard
much statt such
Painfully I talk to you again
You never listened to me, did you?
So I'll scream out loud and fade away
The only way to kill my agony
Is to change the world today

(guitar solo)

intro

interlude (keyborad solo)

outro

as far as I can see ...

 

[the_priest]

ach ver....t also, noch mal die neuste, hoffentlich korrekte:

Prophet’s Agony

Intro

I know you'd say I am crazy
I know you'd say I'm mad
but nothing is the way it seems
for me this is the real life
I see things you cannot dream of
I’m torn by pain you'll never know
'cause to you, hell is just a word
but me, I do know what it means

interlude (keyborad solo)

ravaged Towns, fields on fire
I have to watch it once a day
devils surround me wherever I walk
by the way they're here to slay
there's no fleeing into a desert
or hiding in an abbey
Darkness follows me everywhere
Oh, I don't know where to stay

interlude (keyboard solo)

You people grieve me much too hard
Painfully I talk to you again
You never listened to me, did you?
So I'll scream out loud and fade away
The only way to kill my agony
Is to change the world today

(guitar solo)

intro

interlude (keyborad solo)

outro

 

[donay]

geht der text um alpträume oder wieso das "I have to watch it once a day" ?

oder meintest du jeden tag? oder einmal am tag (wie das jetz ist)

ps
sorry für den falshen tip mit dem way too much...

 

[desgraca]

ich überleg grad schwer was ich gegen das way too much hatte

ok ich habs wieder,,,,,,,,,,,,,,was willste denn auf deutsch sagen
"Ihr leute bedrückt mich viel zu sehr"
oder
"ihr leute klagt mir viel zu viel".....

 

[donay]

phuu, hab ich grad nochmal glück gehabt;-D

 

[the_priest]

geht der text um alpträume oder wieso das "I have to watch it once a day" ?

oder meintest du jeden tag? oder einmal am tag (wie das jetz ist)

naja, diese in dieser zeile geht es eher um ne art halluzinationen, der namenlose prophet sieht halt brennende felder und verwüstete städte und das immer einmal am tag. so ist es zumindest gedacht.

"Ihr leute bedrückt mich viel zu sehr"
oder
"ihr leute klagt mir viel zu viel".....

es sollte "Ihr leute betrübt mich viel zu sehr." heißen.