Sacred Light

[HazyDazy]

Nabend zusammen,

Bin erst vor kurzem auf dieses Forum gestoßen und steige jetz hier ein wenig ins Geschehen ein

Hier mal ein aktueller Songtext von mir... bin mir in einigen Dingen unschlüssig, wäre nett mal eure Meinung zu hören

Also hier der Text:


In the silence I can hear thunder in my heart
While devil shadows flood the stars on sky
Tainted smoke of fiery furnaces is passing by
Binding me like a shining spark of hope in the dark

Bright burning flames won't let me stay in distance
They'll fight me like a charming prince against demons

There's an immortal sacred light
It's headed through the rising night
Relentless when it flies
Like the eagles in the skies


The silent breath of eternity blows along
Like the howling wind it's turning circles
A poisoned curse flies around my faithful soul
Igniting the taste of love among my tongue

The fate banished me through steady growing tales
And the chasing hand of hazy dreams still prevails

There's an immortal sacred light
Staying in unbelievable height
It keeps flying fast and free
Like rivers running to the sea

 

[desgraca]

hi billy...

In the silence I can hear thunder in my heart
While devil shadows flood the stars on sky
was soll das heißen "flood the stars on sky"?
Tainted smoke of fiery furnaces is passing by
Binding me like a shining spark of hope in the dark
warum das binding? was soll das binding heißen an der stelle?

Bright burning flames won't let me stay in distance
won't keep me in distance
They'll fight me like a charming prince against demons
like a charming prince fights demons

There's an immortal sacred light
It's headed through the rising night
it shined through/darts through,,,,öh ....falling night
Relentless when it flies
licht kann nich fliegen
Like the eagles in the skies
besser: like eagles


The silent breath of eternity blows along
Like the howling wind it's turning circles
turning in circles
A poisoned curse flies around my faithful soul
Igniting the taste of love among my tongue
on my tongue

also ich muss sagen, dass der text insgesamt bisher sehr verwirrend erscheint, man weiß selten, was sich worauf bezieht, und die wortgruppen passen dann teilweise nicht zueinander,,,,very confusing....

The fate banished me through steady growing tales
fate (ohne artikel)
with steady growing
And the chasing hand of hazy dreams still prevails


There's an immortal sacred light
Staying in unbelievable height
It keeps flying fast and free
s.o. wegen flying
Like rivers running to the sea



also,.....da sind stellenweise schon sehr gute ansätze drin, aber wie gesagt, teilweise von der struktur und der wortwahl her echt verwirrend das ganze...

 

[HazyDazy]

Danke für deine Tipps, das ging ja richtig schnell - ich hab einiges eingebaut...

In the silence I can hear thunder in my heart
While devil shadows flood the stars on sky
Damit meinte ich überfluten - mir ist nix besseres eingefallen ^^
Tainted smoke of fiery furnaces is passing by
Binding me like a shining spark of hope in the dark
Binding soll eine Art fesseln sein...

Bright burning flames won't keep me in distance
They'll fight me like a charming prince fights demons


There's an immortal sacred light
It' shined through the falling night lol - das rising war da wirklich fehl am platze
Relentless when it flies
Like eagles in the skies
Mal schauen, da muss ich mir mal noch was anderes überlegen...recht hast du auf jeden Fall, klingt komisch...

The silent breath of eternity blows along
Like the howling wind it's turning in circles
A poisoned curse flies around my faithful soul
Igniting the taste of love on my tongue

Fate banished me through steady growing tales
And the chasing hand of hazy dreams still prevails

There's an immortal sacred light
Staying in unbelievable height
It keeps flying fast and free
Like rivers running to the sea


Zur Struktur...naja...ich bin für etwas unverständliche Texte :screwy:

Danke nochmal für deine Hilfe

 

[desgraca]

Zur Struktur...naja...ich bin für etwas unverständliche Texte :screwy:

ich eigentlich auch,,,,,sogar ziemlich,,,,,,aber inhaltlich unverständlich mag ich lieber als...grammatikalisch unverständlich
aber hat sich shon stark gebessert

In the silence I can hear thunder in my heart
While devil shadows flood the stars on sky
Damit meinte ich überfluten - mir ist nix besseres eingefallen ^^flood the stars and sky/skies
Tainted smoke of fiery furnaces is passing by
Binding me like a shining spark of hope in the dark
Binding soll eine Art fesseln sein...catching me

Bright burning flames won't keep me in distance
They'll fight me like a charming prince fights demons


There's an immortal sacred light
It shined through the falling night lol - das rising war da wirklich fehl am platze

Relentless when it flies
Like eagles in the skies
Mal schauen, da muss ich mir mal noch was anderes überlegen...recht hast du auf jeden Fall, klingt komisch...

The silent breath of eternity blows along
Like the howling wind it's turning in circles
A poisoned curse flies around my faithful soul
Igniting the taste of love on my tongue

Fate banished me through steady growing tales
with statt through
And the chasing hand of hazy dreams still prevails

There's an immortal sacred light
Staying in unbelievable height
It keeps flying fast and free
Like rivers running to the sea


ja doch, nimmt form an das ganze

 

[HazyDazy]

Danke nochmal für deine Hilfe... hier jetz die aktuelle "Version"


In the silence I can hear thunder in my heart
While devil shadows flood the stars and skies
Tainted smoke of fiery furnaces is passing by
Catching me like a shining spark of hope in the dark

Bright burning flames won't keep me in distance
They'll fight me like a charming prince fights demons

There's an immortal sacred light
It' shined through the falling night
Relentless when it flies
Like eagles in the skies


The silent breath of eternity blows along
Like the howling wind it's turning in circles
A poisoned curse flies around my faithful soul
Igniting the taste of love on my tongue

Fate banished me with steady growing tales
And the chasing hand of hazy dreams still prevails

There's an immortal sacred light
Staying in unbelievable height
It keeps flying fast and free
Like rivers running to the sea