(Work Titel) Pay Attention..

von Purzel, 25.07.07.

  1. Purzel

    Purzel Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 25.07.07   #1
    Hmm hab noch keinen Namen für den Song.

    Hier der Text

    1.Strophe:

    There are so many things that never came true..
    There are so many things went bad.
    and worse...

    There were so many promises failed.
    There were so few nice words
    Only need some affection.
    ooh some affection

    And always when I need some of your warmth
    It's like some ice cube slipping in my back
    The coldness of the word hits me like
    a bullet in my chest

    There were so many promises failed.
    There were so few nice words
    Only need some affection.
    ooh some affection


    Refrain:

    Hey pay attention!
    do you hear me?
    hey pay attention!
    you're laughing about me?

    get you gone and leave me alone
    you'll never understand me
    so its the best when you just get you gone!
    just get you gone!

    2. Strophe

    There were so many nice words i said to you
    you said "oh how sweet" but you gave a damn about
    I've made you such nice presents

    but you gave a damn about
    and now the only thing i can think is
    COnfound you! I dont like to see you again!

    Bridge:

    And always when I needed some of your warmth
    It was like some ice cube slipping in my back
    The coldness of the word hits me like
    a bullet in my chest

    Refrain:

    Hey pay attention!
    do you hear me?
    hey pay attention!
    you're laughing about me?

    get you gone and leave me alone
    you'll never understand me
    so its the best when you just get you gone!
    just get you gone!


    Interlude:

    And now you are away from me
    My head is free of this self-pity
    the pressure releases
    and I feel good, yes I feel very very good

    Overthere in this bar
    there is someone else i could love
    someone else i could love

    Kehrrefrain:

    Hey sweet girl!
    Do you hear me?
    Hey sweet girl!
    I like your eyes
    You don't mind to meet?

    come with me and be happy
    I know you'll understand me
    so its the best when you just come with me
    just come with me


    Der Song geht darum, dass die freundin einen überhaupt nicht beachtet, was einem sehr wehtut... Man wischt ihr eins aus, indem man ihr damit sagt, dass es auch noch andre mädels auf der welt gibt, die besser sind... hmm schlechte beschreibung:D einfach mal durchlesen
     
  2. wilbour-cobb

    wilbour-cobb Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 25.07.07   #2
    da sind eine menge sprachliche sachen drin, die du nochmal überarbeiten solltest. ich markier die einfach mal ohne da rücksicht auf takt und reim zu nehmen, wie man die nachher korrigiert wird man sehen, ich helfe da gerne.

    Hier der Text

    1.Strophe:

    There are so many things that never came true..
    There are so many things went bad.
    das "there are" am anfang ist zu viel, du leitest damit einen relativsatz ein, dann braucht es auch ein "that".
    and worse...

    There were so many promises failed.
    hier das gleiche, nur würde man diese aussage nicht in einen relativsatz packen. und in einem normalen satz, steht das substantiv nach dem objekt, also "..failed promises"
    There were so few nice words
    Only need some affection.
    ooh some affection

    And always when I need some of your warmth
    It's like some ice cube slipping in my back
    "slipping down.." wäre deutlicher, deine idee ist aber nicht falsch
    The coldness of the word hits me like
    a bullet in my chest

    There were so many promises failed.
    s.o.
    There were so few nice words
    Only need some affection.
    ooh some affection


    Refrain:

    Hey pay attention!
    do you hear me?
    hey pay attention!
    you're laughing about me?
    also frage immer mit "are you.." beginnen

    get you gone and leave me alone
    you'll never understand me
    so its the best when you just get you gone!
    just get you gone!

    2. Strophe

    There were so many nice words i said to you
    you said "oh how sweet" but you gave a damn about
    "about it"
    I've made you such nice presents


    but you gave a damn about
    and now the only thing i can think is
    "think of.." eigentlich
    COnfound you! I dont like to see you again!
    das "I don't like.." ist sehr ungewöhnlich, "don't want" wäre deutlicher

    Bridge:

    And always when I needed some of your warmth
    It was like some ice cube slipping in my back
    The coldness of the word hits me like
    a bullet in my chest
    besser "into", am besten wäre aber "like a bullet hits my chest"

    Refrain:

    Hey pay attention!
    do you hear me?
    hey pay attention!
    you're laughing about me?
    s.o.

    get you gone and leave me alone
    you'll never understand me
    so its the best when you just get you gone!
    just get you gone!


    Interlude:

    And now you are away from me
    würde man so nicht sagen, eher "now you are gone" oder sowas in die richtung
    My head is free of this self-pity
    the pressure releases
    and I feel good, yes I feel very very good

    Over _there in this bar
    there is someone else i could love
    eigentlich "fall in love with" - "to love" ist eher was mehr körperliches, in bestimmten zusammenhängen....
    someone else i could love

    Kehrrefrain:

    Hey sweet girl!
    Do you hear me?
    Hey sweet girl!
    I like your eyes
    You don't mind to meet?

    come with me and be happy
    I know you'll understand me
    so its the best when you just come with me
    just come with me
     
  3. Purzel

    Purzel Threadersteller Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 26.07.07   #3
    So ich habs ein wenig verbessert...
    In den Ferien denkt man ja nicht so viel nach :o:p Da kommen so Fehler...:o

    1.Strophe:

    There are so many things that never came true..
    There are so many things that went bad.
    and worse...

    (There were)so many failed promises .
    There were so few nice words
    Only need some affection.
    ooh some affection

    And always when I needed some of your warmth
    It was like some ice cube slipping down in my back
    The coldness of the word...
    Its like a bullet hits my chest

    (There were)so many failed promises .
    There were so few nice words
    Only need some affection.
    ooh some affection


    Refrain:

    Hey pay attention!
    do you hear me?
    hey pay attention!
    are you laughing about me?

    get you gone and leave me alone
    you'll never understand me
    so its the best when you just get you gone!
    just get you gone!

    2. Strophe

    There were so many nice words i said to you
    you said "oh how sweet" but you gave a damn about it
    I've made you such nice presents


    but you gave a damn about
    and now the only thing i think of is
    Confound you! I dont want to see you again!


    Bridge:

    And always when I needed some of your warmth
    It was like some ice cube slipping down in my back
    The coldness of the word...
    Its like a bullet hits my chest


    Refrain:

    Hey pay attention!
    do you hear me?
    hey pay attention!
    are you laughing about me?

    get you gone and leave me alone
    you'll never understand me
    so its the best when you just get you gone!
    just get you gone!


    Interlude:

    And now you are gone
    My head is free of this self-pity
    the pressure releases
    and I feel good, yes I feel very very good

    Over there in this bar
    there is someone else i could fall in love with
    someone else i could love

    Kehrrefrain:

    Hey sweet girl!
    Do you hear me?
    Hey sweet girl!
    I like your eyes
    You don't mind to meet?

    come with me and be happy
    I know you'll understand me
    so its the best when you just come with me
    just come with me
     
  4. desgraca

    desgraca Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 26.07.07   #4
    ok, dann hab ich auch nochn paar verbesserungen,,

    1.Strophe:

    There are so many things that never came true..
    There are so many things that went bad.
    and worse...

    (There were)so many failed promises .
    There were so few nice words
    Only need some affection.
    ooh some affection

    And always when I needed some of your warmth
    and whenever i needed (always when sagt man nicht)
    It was like some ice cube slipping down in my back
    The coldness of the word...
    Its like a bullet hits my chest
    hitting

    (There were)so many failed promises .
    There were so few nice words
    Only need some affection.
    ooh some affection


    Refrain:

    Hey pay attention!
    do you hear me?
    hey pay attention!
    are you laughing about me?
    are you laughing at me (auslachen)

    get you gone and leave me alone
    you'll never understand me
    so its the best when you just get you gone!
    just get you gone!

    2. Strophe

    There were so many nice words i said to you
    you said "oh how sweet" but you gave a damn about it
    I've made you such nice presents


    but you gave a damn about
    about it /about them
    and now the only thing i think of is
    Confound you! I dont want to see you again!


    Interlude:

    And now you are gone
    My head is free of this self-pity
    the pressure releases
    and I feel good, yes I feel very very good

    Over there in this bar
    at this bar
    there is someone else i could fall in love with
    someone else i could love

    Kehrrefrain:

    Hey sweet girl!
    Do you hear me?
    Hey sweet girl!
    I like your eyes
    You don't mind to meet?
    öh,,,,,öh,,,,,soll das heißen "wolln wir uns mal treffen?",,,,,,,"can i ask you out on a date?"

    come with me and be happy
    I know you'll understand me
    so its the best when you just come with me
    just come with me
     
  5. Purzel

    Purzel Threadersteller Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 26.07.07   #5
    1.Strophe:

    There are so many things that never came true..
    There are so many things that went bad.
    and worse...

    (There were)so many failed promises .
    There were so few nice words
    Only need some affection.
    ooh some affection

    And whenever I needed some of your warmth

    It was like some ice cube slipping down in my back
    The coldness of the word...
    Its like a bullet hitting my chest

    (There were)so many failed promises .
    There were so few nice words
    Only need some affection.
    ooh some affection


    Refrain:

    Hey pay attention!
    do you hear me?
    hey pay attention!
    are you laughing at me?


    get you gone and leave me alone
    you'll never understand me
    so its the best when you just get you gone!
    just get you gone!

    2. Strophe

    There were so many nice words i said to you
    you said "oh how sweet" but you gave a damn about it
    I've made you such nice presents


    but you gave a damn about
    about it /about them
    and now the only thing i think of is
    Confound you! I dont want to see you again!


    Interlude:

    And now you are gone
    My head is free of this self-pity
    the pressure releases
    and I feel good, yes I feel very very good

    Over there in this bar
    at this bar
    there is someone else i could fall in love with
    someone else i could love

    Kehrrefrain:

    Hey sweet girl!
     
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