"BUllSHit" - Protestsong?!

[Search 4 Sense]

also jetzt mal zu einem text an dem ihr rumdoktorn könnt soviel ihr wollt
er ist noch nicht vertont und basiert wie man unschwer erkennt auf politische Motivationen. Wer mir jetzt noch sagen kann um wen's geht kriegt 1000 gelbe Gummipunkte
viel spaß und danke im voraus!

 

[Search 4 Sense]

Intro: I locked me in my room,
With the aim of never getting out,
Before I characterized a man,
That I hate but who doesn't care about,

Stro 1: I won't eat something till I am ready,
To fight against the nonsense you steady,
I won't drink something till I've won,
The fight that I am fighting on,

Ref.: Buttons are there to switch it,
Users are there to use it,
Shelters are there to put something in it,
Hills are there to climb it,
But for what is BUllSHit ?!

Stro 2: I've got my mission I have to obey,
I locked myself I have to stay,
I'll fight and I'll win,
I'll kick you into my bin,

Ref.

Outro: What defeat do you need to give up,
One million death people are cryin' your name,
How want you get me to shut up,
It is everyday the same,
BUllSHit,

 

[TRommelman]

Bush..Is ja auch so unauffällig hervorgehoben.

 

[Deltafox]

wow, eine ganz innovative Kreation.. nur leider knappe 8 Jahre zu langsam

 

[wilbour-cobb]

haben zwar schon einige was zu geschrieben, aber dann hier mal die srpachliche durchleuchtung

Intro: I locked myself in my room,
With the aim of never getting out,
Before I characterized a man,
Whom I hate but who doesn't care about,

Stro 1: I won't eat something till I am ready,
To fight against the nonsense you steady,
das "you steady" macht keinen sinn, was solltest du denn sagen?
I won't drink something till I've won,
The fight that I am fighting on,
"which" statt "that" und das "on" muss leider raus, schade um den reim....

Ref.: Buttons are there to switch it,
ohne "it", wenn überhaupt "them", aber ohne ist am besten
Users are there to use it,
Shelters are there to put something in it,
Hills are there to climb it,
das gleiche wie bei "buttons..."
But for what is BUllSHit ?!

Stro 2: I've got my mission
I have to obey,
I locked myself in
I have to stay,
I'll fight and I'll win,
I'll kick you into my bin,

Ref.

Outro: What defeat do you need to give up,
One million death people are cryin' your name,
How do you want me to keep quiet,
It is the same everyday,
BUllSHit,[/QUOTE]

 

[Search 4 Sense]

ok danke wilbour!
werd das nochmal alles überdenken
das steady ergibt wirklich keinen sinn hab im LEO geforscht^^
ich meld mich bald mit ner neuen fassung
mfg tomess

 

[Search 4 Sense]

Intro: I locked myself in a room,
With the aim of never getting out,
Before I characterized a man,
Whom I hate but who doesn't care about,

Stro 1: I won't eat something till I am ready,
To fight against the nonsense you say to me,
I won't drink something till I've won,
The battle which I am fighting


Ref.: Buttons are there to switch,
Users are there to use,
Shelters are there to put something in,
Hills are there to climb,

But for what is BUllSHit ?!

Stro 2: I've got my mission
I have to obey,
I locked myself in,
I have to stay,
I'll fight and I'll win,
I'll kick you into my bin,

Ref.

Outro: What defeat do you need to give up,
One million death people are cryin' your name,
How do you want me to keep quiet
It is the same everyday,
BUllSHit,

denke das wärs...
wenn jetzt grammatikalishc alles im reinen is, dann mach ich mich an die vertonung
danke
mfg tomess, s4s

 

[Search 4 Sense]

hat noch mal n native drübergeschaut?

 

[x-Riff]

Bin zwar kein native, aber:

Intro: I locked myself in a room,
With the aim of never getting out,

with the aim ist grammatikalisch korrekt, aber ein bißchen umständlich, finde ich.
without getting out / until I´ve characterized a man
oder
and I won´t (never) get out / before ...
sowas ist sprachlich flüssiger ...

To fight against the nonsense you say to me

geht auch, flüssiger wäre imho: to fight against the nonsense you´re telling me

One million death people are cryin' your name

dead people wenn Du tote Menschen meinst, death people würde Tod-Menschen heißen ...
Dann finde ich es immer persönlich sehr pathetisch wenn tote Menschen noch schreien und so ... eine mögliche Alternative wäre: one million dead people are accusing you oder one million people were killed in your name ... wobei ich das accusing besser finde, im Sinne von: Millionen Tote klagen Dich an - das zweite ist halt viel direkter: millionen menschen wurden in deinem namen getötet.

sonst ist glaube ich alles in ordnung,

x-Riff

 

[Search 4 Sense]

ok dann bastel ich da nochmal dran
und wenn kein native mehr motzt is alles geritzt^^
danke
mfg tomess, s4s

 

[wilbour-cobb]

ok dann bastel ich da nochmal dran
und wenn kein native mehr motzt is alles geritzt^^
danke
mfg tomess, s4s

passt so, bis auf einmal, da steht "you say to me", da muss aber vergangenheit, "you said to me", dann ist der text sprachlich OK.

 

[Search 4 Sense]

Intro: I locked myself in a room,
And I won't get out,
Before I characterized a man,
Whom I hate but who doesn't care about,

Stro 1: I won't eat something till I am ready,
To fight against the nonsense you said to me,
I won't drink something till I've won,
The battle which I am fighting


Ref.: Buttons are there to switch,
Users are there to use,
Shelters are there to put something in,
Hills are there to climb,

But for what is BUllSHit ?!

Stro 2: I've got my mission
I have to obey,
I locked myself in,
I have to stay,
I'll fight and I'll win,
I'll kick you into my bin,

Ref.

Outro: What defeat do you need to give up,
one million dead people are accusing you,
How do you want me to keep quiet
It is the same everyday,
BUllSHit,

Danke nochmal an alle
werde mich melden wenns die fertige Version zu hören gibt
mfg tomess, s4s