Free

[SzimiDude]

So wieder ein neuer Versuch

refrain
i'm on the move,
no time to smoove,
i wanna get away,
i wanna get free,

stress,conflicts,panic,
i have enough,
i have to get out.

strophe 1
without a target,
just follow my nose,
no worries about a billet,
the nature gives me what i need.

every day is a present,
you should take it as it comes,
life is what dead isn't
full of living!

prechorus
everyone should have a break,
to leave the habits and go away,
take your time and lose your pain,
the life's got an other side.

REFRAIN


as i started,
i got a broken-hearted,
no friends around,
no known sound,

but as i was longer away,
my fright went away,
the loneliness was okay,
everything was more than ok

prechorus
chorus

and now i`m free,
no rules against me,
now i`m free,
no one against me

Wie siehts bei diesem Text mit der Grammatik aus?

 

[JTE]

ich schau mal eben..bin kein allerdings kein native..nur, was mir eben aufgefallen ist:


refrain
i'm on the move,
no time to smoove,
i wanna get away,
i wanna get free,

stress,conflicts,panic,
i have enough,
i have to get out.
in meinem ohr klingt das mit nem "got" immer besser. gt enough, gotta get out...

strophe 1
without a target,
just follow my nose,
no worries about a billet,
the nature gives me what i need.
ohne "the"

every day is a present,
you should take it as it comes,
life is what dead isn't hier würde ich ausschreiben..is not, um den effekt zu verstärken.
full of living!

prechorus
everyone should have a break,
to leave the habits and go away,
take your time and lose your pain,
mhh...lose you pain..imo kommt was mit release besser, man solls ja selber, aktiv loslassen.
the life's got an other side.
ohne "the"
REFRAIN


as i started, when
i got a broken-hearted, mhh...I was/felt so b-h oder became b-h
no friends around,
no known sound,klingt ein wenig seltsam...wenn du die alliteration nicht unbedingt willst, würde ichs umbauen..."not a known sound" evtl

but as i was longer away, zeiten immer am anfang oder ende...also " I´ve been away for long"
my fright went away my fright(??was meinst du damit) has been gone
the loneliness was okay, ohne "the", loneliness turned to be fun
everything was more than ok
aber jetzt hab ich die reime verändert angeboten...mhh..everything was more than none

prechorus
chorus

and now i`m free,
no rules against me,
now i`m free,
no one against me


öhm..ja, iss ok,
das "Ich steige aus"-thema iss ja ziemlich viel bemüht worden...da kannste mit dem text sicherlich nicht tierisch innovativ aufräumen, alles schon mehrmals gesagt,
...aber er iss auch nicht schlecht

 

[SzimiDude]

Danke