Closing My Eyes For Daylight-> brauche feedback

[Wrath.bm]

das is ein text von mir, aber ich hab hauptsächlich auf den rhythmus der melodie beim schreiben geachtet konstruktive kritik wäre nett der musikstil is hauptsächlich black metal mit hardcore elementen bedanke mich schonmal im voraus


Lying On Pure White Snow
My Blood Makes It Deep Dark Red
A Sword Pierce Through My Chest
Soon I´ll Make My Last Breath

Looking Up To Sky
High The Ravens Fly
Keeping The Death In Their Eyes
Carrying Away My Soul

Imagine My Last Journey
Bleeding My Life Out
A Sunbeam Shines On My Head
Closing The Curtain Of My Life

Looking Up To Sky
High The Ravens Fly
Keeping The Death In Their Eyes
Carrying Away My Soul

Seeing A Tunnel...
...Blinding Light
Feeling The Reaper Coming
I´m Frozen Inside

I´m Leaving This World To A Better Place
Far Away From The Human Race
The Ravens carry My Soul Away
I´m Closing My Eyes For The Light Of The Day

Blowing Out The Candle Of Life
In This World I Have Payed The Price
The Curtain is Falling Nevermore
On Higher Spheres My Soul Lives On

I´m Leaving This World To A Better Place
Far Away From The Human Race
The Ravens carry My Soul Away
I´m Closing My Eyes For The Light Of The Day

Buried Is My Corpse With Snow
Fallen In An Insane War
Mourning Is Spreading Far Away
Upon The Ones I Left Without Farewell

Looking Up To Sky
High The Ravens Fly
Keeping The Death In Their Eyes
Carrying Away My Soul