Text - "Mary Jane"

von D.L. Styles, 10.04.07.

  1. D.L. Styles

    D.L. Styles Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 10.04.07   #1
    Ein Text, den ich vor ner Woche oder so geschrieben hab.

    Mary Jane

    [Str 1]
    Hey Mary Jane, do you know who I am?
    I am the one who made you cry
    The plastic face
    that has smiled so wide
    Can you remember the screaming?
    Hey, Mary Jane, does it hunt you down?

    [Ref]
    Can you remember the screaming?
    I still hear you screaming,
    I can hear you screaming.

    [Str 2]
    Miss Mary Jane, how can i help you?
    "I am dirty and want to die"
    Hey, Mary Jane please stop crying

    [Ref]
    Cause I remember you screaming
    I still hear you screaming,
    I can hear you screaming.

    [Nach Ref]
    I am so sick
    imprisoned, thinkin bout my life
    Got beat down, getting my sins back

    gibts Fehler, Verbesserungsvorschläge?
     
  2. desgraca

    desgraca Registrierter Benutzer

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    Erstellt: 10.04.07   #2
    wirkliche fehler nicht, nur zwei stellen wo ich's anders audrücken würde:

    Mary Jane

    [Str 1]
    Hey Mary Jane, do you know who I am?
    I am the one who made you cry
    The plastic face
    that has smiled so wide
    Can you remember the screaming?
    Hey, Mary Jane, does it hunt you down?

    [Ref]
    Can you remember the screaming?
    I still hear you screaming,
    I can hear you screaming.

    [Str 2]
    Miss Mary Jane, how can i help you?
    „I am dirty and want to die“
    besser: i am dirty and i want to die
    Hey, Mary Jane please stop crying

    [Ref]
    Cause I remember you screaming
    I still hear you screaming,
    I can hear you screaming.

    [Nach Ref]
    I am so sick
    imprisoned, thinkin bout my life
    Got beat down, getting my sins back
    da gehört eher sowas hin wie "have to pay for my sins" oder sowas
     
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