Linkin Park - Meteora (Warner Bros.) 2 Stars
http://www.playlouder.com/review/741linkinpark.html
Hit songwriting is formulaic, and it's been that way since rock and roll first existed. Lennon and McCartney worked out a neat trick that everyone copied in the 60s. Motown too knew what ingredients a tune had to have for it to be a hit. Stock, Aitken and Waterman followed this formula, condensed it, sanitised it, and became arguably the defining sound of the 1980s. And Linkin Park know what makes a good nu-metal song, because they've executed the same system on practically every track on 'Meteora'.
So here's the blueprint: start with a nice modern processed drumbeat for 8 bars (16 optional), then come in with big, fizzing, power chords. Take the guitars down a notch and allow your mate to rap in a fairly unimaginative fashion. This is all part of the plan. The slightly drab verse builds up and before you know it you're upping the stakes, pulling out the stops, and hitting the kids with the huge angsty chorus, instruments thrashing wildly, vocals wailing, and the tune with a hook as dangerous as Abu Hamza trying to make his way to the bathroom during a powercut. The lyrical content has to be about the pain you feel, about being misunderstood, about how you can't change, or about how you want that herpes-ridden bitch you used to go out with to just, like, totally fuck off, man. Maybe your mates can shout behind you a bit here, to give your anger more authenticity. This whole process should then be repeated, and followed by a bridge that's a bit shouty. Then repeat chorus until only the most stupid of fans won't be able to recite it back like it's 'Baa Baa Black Sheep'.
'Hit The Floor' is the most ferocious track on the album, but follows the same rules. "Easier to Run", the track that proceeds it is the most sissy, but follows the same rules. Many of the choruses are great, but by about track eight you begin to realise this isn't about songs, this is about mathematics, and if you've actually paid for the album with your own money, you've been well and truly had.
Linkin Park were one of the best selling bands in the world a few years back, and with the threat of Avril Lavigne looming large, there has to be a scientific way of squeezing every last penny out the disenfranchised teenager market. On the CD there's an enhanced package which includes a feature called "The Art of Meteora". Physics more like.
